


Falling, Fallen

by Semi_problematic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alive Kuchel Ackerman, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Divorce, Single Parents, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tea Shop Owner Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Teacher Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29282298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Levi Ackerman was never one for depending on others, so of course when he did it had to bite him in the ass. After his marriage fails he moves back home with his daughter Lily with the hopes of having a more stable life. As far as parenting goes, Levi knows he doesn't know anything except that he wants to make his daughter happy. What starts as a meeting with a teacher in order to make sure his daughter is settled in at the beginning of the year ends with confusing feelings and a choice between keeping his daughter's happiness secured or risking it all.-In which Levi is a newly single father and Eren is his daughters first grade teacher. Levi knows he shouldn't want it, but god he does.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Original Male Character(s), Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë
Comments: 16
Kudos: 54





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I am god awful at writing summaries for things I haven't finished so please be patient 
> 
> okay so I want to try to update this weekly because I am kind of in love with the plot it's been in my head for a week and then I finally decided to start writing it because I'm a mess... I'm gonna put notes at the beginning of each chapter but this is a prologue so it's not going to get one because it's setting the scene for chaos and love... anyways I hope you enjoy it

“Levi, I’m so glad you’re back.” Hange was holding a cup of coffee close to their chest, steam rising towards their face and fogging over their glasses. “I know that the circumstances weren’t the best but… you’re home.” They offered a warm smile and tilted their head to the side. 

Autumn leaves blew past the window of the coffee shop. The smell of various baked goods filled the air with coffee mixed into it. The inside was decorated as though a twenty year old college student designed it, polished wooden chairs and tables with fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. The look was popular for those who came in. The type of people that stayed in the shop for more than five minutes could be divided into two groups. College students and high schoolers trying to hide away and people like Levi and Hange, grown adults with too much time on their hands and too much responsibility to drink before four. 

“This place looks like a teenage girls bedroom.” Levi muttered, holding his tea with one hand. “They should really think about redecorating if they want to have a serious business.” 

“Remember when you lived above your first tea shop? I don’t want to hear about “serious” when you used to live in that dingy place.” Hange shook their head. “This place has a homey feel to it. Like I just went to my parents for the holidays.” 

“I lived above it because I was twenty two and starting my first business. What’s their excuse? I know the sixteen year old over there isn’t the owner. They need to fix this place, it reeks of mom's basement.” Levi sipped his tea. How could he say he needed to focus on anything but himself without sounding pathetic? 

“You’ve changed.” Hange sighed dramatically, sleeping their drink on the table and swinging their arms to their sides. “And you said New York wouldn’t change your attitude, but now you talk like some business man who hasn’t been laid in two months and-” 

Levi rolled his eyes. Of course they would go on this tangent again. “Here we go-” 

“You open one successful tea shop then set up thirty more and suddenly you’re the king of running businesses. Not everyone’s shop has to look like a funeral parlor. I didn’t order my dead grandma when I came in-” 

Levi smirked at that. He did miss them, but he rather rip his teeth out than say it. Hange didn’t need to hear it anyway. They knew, they always did. “My shops look polished. And I do know a thing or two, I have a company, a successful one at that.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Can’t say that about my marriage.” 

“He was a jerk, he could have at least said something before… you know...” Hange waited for a response like what she said was poetic or at least surprising. Like Levi didn’t think about these things each night he went to his room that was one body short. 

“I know.” Levi finally said, looking out the window. The town was painfully small. He didn’t miss it. He didn’t miss anything anymore. Missing things was pointless, it never made things come back. “And now I’m back here. Fucking Eureka Springs.” The shittiest town in the shittiest state he had been in. 

“Don’t say it like that! It’s cute and we grew up here. Remember when we set that field on fire? Or that time we snuck into a bar when we were seventeen and you won the armwrestling competition against that meathead-” Hange loved discussing their glory days. “Or whenever you would get in those fights with those guys and they would think you didn’t know how to fight and you would kick all their asses-” 

“New York at least had polished meatheads.” He shook his head. Truth be told, Levi was ashamed he came home. The only reason he moved to New York in the first place was because his husband had a business opportunity. And he stayed because he was able to open his second tea shop. Then his third and fourth. Coming home felt like going backwards. Coming home made him feel like a failure. No one leaves just to come back. That was how he knew it was over. For good. 

“Your mom is happy you’re back.” Hange smiled, warmly. “We talk about you a lot. Her favorite thing is hearing-”

“Of course you two do.” Levi scoffed, cutting them off. He hated gossip, even if it was all good and all with his mother. Nothing made his skin crawl more than knowing people discussed him. He wasn’t a conversation starter. “Don’t gossip about me, especially with my mother.” 

Hange looked down at their cup of coffee. “She’s worried about you. You’re going through a lot-” The pained look in their eyes made him want to hurl a table. He knew he was going through a lot, he was the one dealing with it. Him and Lily. Lily and him. They were the ones who should be worried, no one else. 

“I’m a big boy, I can handle myself… besides…” Levi’s eyes fell to the dark liquid in his cup. “Lily is going through a lot. She didn’t sign up for this. For having two dads who have know fucking clue how to be parents. My mom was great, but shit, I don’t know how to be a parent. My mom was alone and I planned on being the same way.” Levi pulled out his phone. “I have a meeting with her new teacher in two hours. It was her first day. She didn’t cry-” 

“Stoic, like her daddy.” Hange snickered at the name. 

Levi’s face twisted into a disgusted snarl. Eyebrows sunk down his face and eyes slit. “Do not call me that.” 

“I’m sure she’s doing great.” Hange ignored the underlying threat in his voice. “She’s always been outgoing.”  
“I’m sure she hates me.” Levi looked down at his phone. A photo of them when she was three and the adoption papers were finalized. She wore a gray dress with a white headband she proceeded to rip off and throw. She was the light of his life. Levi never understood why his mother went through so much for him until he met her. Held her. Loved her. “I uprooted her in less than two months. New school, new house, new people.” 

“She spent one or two weekends here a month. It isn’t completely new-” Hange was trying to reason with him. He didn’t want to be reasoned with, he knew he was right. 

“But when she came she had two dads. And her friends back home. And her nice kindergarten teacher. Now she’s down a dad, lost all her friends’ and started at a new school five weeks into the new year.” Levi ran his hand down his face. “I’m a shit father. And I don’t even have a father to blame it on.” That was funny. 

His mother got pregnant and kicked out at sixteen. Her parents kicked her out and the boy wanted nothing to do with her. But she loved Levi. She loved Levi before he was born, before he was even himself. She said she knew, she could tell he was special. Levi owned her heart more than she ever did. No father, no family, just him. His mother ran off from a town she never named and came here. Built a life by working three jobs and living in the most rundown apartment possible. All he ever knew was his mother, but that was all the family he needed. No shit for brains father that wanted nothing to do with him or a set of assfuck grandparents who saw him as a mistake. Just his mom who said his name like it was holy, like he made her believe in something more. 

“She has you, your mom, me and Erwin.” Hange counted on their fingers. “Furlan, Isabel, her new teachers and classmates. She is a tough girl, she’s an Ackerman.” 

Levi scoffed, raising an eyebrow. Like being an Ackerman was something to be proud of. Like their bloodline wasn’t two people. Like her father wasn’t alone and fucking terrified. “She’ll have Erwin and Isabel when they aren’t caught up with school. I should’ve had Lily skip a grade and be in Isabel’s class.” Levi didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to hear solutions or comfort. He just wanted to complain about his shitty parenting, his shitty husband, no, ex-husband, and his overall shitty fucking life. “And Furlan spends most of his time counting numbers or whatever-” 

“Accounting.” Hange stated, like it even mattered.

“And you-” Levi pointed at Hange. “Have a lab to run.” 

“That does leave your mom. All she does is knit and look pretty.” Hange sighed, looking anywhere but Levi. “God, I love your mom. She’s been baking more and of course since I live down the street I’ve been indulging-” 

“Your weird crush on my mom stopped being funny when we were freshman and all you did was sing-”

“Levi’s mom has got it going on, Levi’s mom has got it going on!” Hange was nearly screeching, not caring about the looks they got but embracing them. That was something Levi learned early on. The more attention they get the longer the charade goes on. They love putting on a show. 

Levi breathed out, “I hate you.” He raised a hand to shield his face from any bystanders. “Being your friend is a full time job.” 

“And you have yet to quit after how many years? Christ, how old are you?” Hange squinted as though they could read the age from the number of wrinkles on his face. 

“Shut it-” God, Levi would kill to be in New York right now. Or the North Pole. Anywhere but this shitty coffe shop in the assfuck of nowhere. Was Hange still speaking? God, of course they were.

“Thirty-five. So, we’ve been friends for… carry the one.” Hange drew invisible numbers in the air, chewing on her lip. “Twenty years. God, we are old.” There was a pause. “We are so old. Oh my god. Is it time for a midlife crisis?”

“You really make me feel it.” Levi sipped his tea, looking Hange up and down. “All because you chose to sit next to me and talk-” 

“You looked like a school shooter! All you did was sit at lunch and stare, dude, you were fucking scary. People were afraid of you. So, I approached you and you didn’t push me away-” 

“I didn’t talk back, either.” Levi muttered. “I tried moving away but you followed. And you were fucking weird, too. Talking about all the dissections and naming the fucking dead things. All you did was talk and be weird, I just sat there.” 

“Only for the first month, but then Levi, but then you gave in. And our sweet little Erwin moved in a semester later!” Hange folded their hands together and rested their chin on them. “Our delicate little son.” 

“Your sweet little Erwin. I’m not trying to be his mom like you.” Levi finished his tea, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He hated thinking about back then. How empty it was, how alone he was. He didn’t know how to reach out. The topic needed to change before he thought about it too long. “I have a staff. A few college kids. I don’t think they’ll burn the shop down.” 

“Names?” 

“God, why do you need to know everything? You gonna do a background check or something?”” Still, Levi complied and pulled out his phone. “Sasha, she’s worked in food before. She’s nineteen. Her friend Connie, no experience but practically begged me to hire him. They’re friends. This sweet girl, the only one I really like, Historia. She’s been an assistant manager before so that’s great. And Ymir, a little standoffish but she comes from a farm so I think she’ll know how to work.” 

“Have you hired an assistant manager or do you plan on running yourself into the ground?” 

Stupid questions, that was all they ever asked. “I’m a grown man. This is my life. I can open, take Lily to school, come back and work all day, then close. It’s only six to eight.” 

Hange stared at him, their mouth hanging open. “You’re gonna die-” 

“I don’t sleep anyway. And Lily thinks hanging out at the tea shop is fun. She pretends to take orders. And the back room is set up so she can play and do whatever the fuck-” 

“I’m buying you parenting books, you are not keeping that poor girl trapped inside of a boring tea shop all day. Please, Levi, take her to your mothers. Or drop her off with me. Furlan gets off at five. Anything but the tea shop-” 

Levi looked at them in disbelief. “My tea shop is completely fine, fuck you.” He turned his glare down to his cup, sighing. “I just want what’s best for her and I don’t think it’s me. It definitely wasn’t Charles, fucking bastard, but it might not be me either.” 

“Levi, be easy on yourself. She looks at you like you’re some god, I don’t see how since you’re always so pissy, but she still loves you-” 

“And she misses her father.” Levi’s stomach tied itself in knots. He would do anything for his daughter, but he couldn’t get her father back no matter how hard he tried. “I’ve been doing this alone for two months.” He had been doing it alone longer, but there was still another warm body in the house. Charles worked hard and he went on a lot of trips, but at least knowing he was there helped. “I fucking miss him sometimes and I hate it. I swear, if I saw him I would rip his jaw off.” 

Charles was a businessman, he was gone traveling or holed up in his office. When he was around he was never much for talking, but he would be there. And that was enough for Lily, so it was enough for Levi. Lily loved the trips he would take them on, from Colorado to England. She even loved the short trips they took each month to see Levi’s mother. Charles wasn’t a husband or a lover, but he was a partner. He helped pay the bills and take care of Lily. He helped clean the house. Charles was a roommate, not a husband, but Levi still missed the option of calling Charles to pick up dinner or take Lily to school.

“What he did wasn’t okay but you can’t pretend that what you two had wasn’t real. It was five years, Levi. Five years of marriage and three years of dating. You had a home and a child. You moved together. He used to be a constant in your life-” 

“A constant pain.” Levi’s head ached. He wanted to sink into the uncomfortable wooden chair and disappear. “But she loved him, so I did too.” Somewhere in their relationship Levi learned to simply love what Lily loved. If that meant biting his tongue and tolerating Charles then he would do it. The little girl could smile and Levi would bend to her will. He never knew he could hold the world in his hands until he met her. “She is the only good thing that came from that shitshow of a marriage.” 

“And the rock. And the honeymoon.” 

“Why don’t you break it off with Moblit and marry him instead, asskisser?” Levi scoffed, leaning further into his chair, kicking Hange in the leg. “I didn’t ask for any of that, just someone to make my life less obnoxious. And somehow he only made it worse. I swear it runs in my family to make other people walk away.” It was supposed to sound like a joke, but it came off sad. Levi was tired of coming off sad. Some selfish bitch wasn’t going to break him.

“You loved him.” Hange smiled. “And you were happy when I introduced you two. And you were happy when he asked you out and when he proposed-” 

“I wasn’t happy.” Levi shot upright, shooting a glare. If looks could have killed Hange would have been in a bodybag five times over. “I was excited. First guy to ever show an interest-” 

“Wrong. Levi, you were sex on a stick to most of my friends, he just didn’t give up no matter how many times you shoved him away. Charles loved you. There was just a disconnect after a while.” 

“Disconnect my ass. He liked the chase and I gave it to him. When shit got real he got scared and he ran. Charles is a fake coward, nothing more and nothing less.” Levi leaned closer, face stone cold. “Now, I’m done talking about that shit stain. We didn’t meet up for a therapy session.” 

The best coping mechanism for Levi was pretending it didn’t happen. Pretending he didn’t shed a few tears when he made his way inside the empty house, small things missing here and there. Pretending he didn’t feel like ripping his skin off when he had to tell his daughter her other father chose something above her. Pretending he didn’t want to run and keep running and never stop running because if he never stopped his little girl could never be hurt again. 

“Guys will like you again. You have the same sort of DILF energy that Erwin has. Boys with daddy issues will be all over you-” Levi wished Hange knew when to stop talking, it would truly be a blessing.

“And I thought this couldn’t get worse. You are making it so much worse, what did I say about calling me that?” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. He would never say it outloud but it was nice having them be the most frustrating thing in his life, not anything serious. Being with them made things feel a bit lighter. “I’m terrified of meeting his teacher, what if they think I kidnapped her or something?” 

Hange stared at him like he was stupid and he wanted to slap the look off their face and stomp it into the ground. He was allowed to be nervous about things, he was allowed to be dramatic. “And why would they think that? You literally have adoption papers.” 

“I don’t know, it has to be shady for some single guy to drop his kid off in a new school after the year already started. What if he thinks I’m a psycho?” 

“You are, but it has nothing to do with you and your daughter, it has to do with your childhood. Whew, what a trainwreck that was.” 

“Bite me, asshole. Weren’t you the one who bit kids? I don’t want to hear anything from you.” Levi smirked at them, kicking them from beneath the table. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want to be bad for her. I’ve seen people with shitty dads and that shit fucks people over.” Levi would rather die than do anything to ever hurt Lily. “I have to head home and change. Make sure I don’t look like some slob.” 

“You trying to date the teacher or make a good impression? Because you’re already dressed nice, you don’t need a suit. This isn’t a business meeting, just meeting your kids teacher.” Hange tapped their nails against the table, chewed, uneven nails clicking against the table. Disgusting. 

“His last name is Yeager, sounds like a hardass.” Levi grumbled. He had read the welcome email the man sent sixty times. Levi had never been one to sleep and it seemed Mr. Yeager wasn’t either considering the email was sent at nearly two in the morning. “If he fucks with Lily he is a dead man.” 

“You haven’t even met the dude and you’re already planning his death? Relax.” Hange reached out and took his hand. He didn’t pull away but he didn’t hold their hand back. His hand was still as their warmth crept across it. “ Not everyone is out to get you, Levi.” 

Levi pressed his lips into a small, thin line. “The world has yet to prove that.” With that Levi stood up, his chair sliding across the floor, shrieking with each inch. “I’m going to go get ready, I’ll see you around. God knows you follow me.” He stepped away from the chair and pushed it in, picking up his empty cup then Hange’s. “Get going and order a water before you leave, I know your body is begging for it.:” He moved quickly towards the door, dropping both paper cups into the trash.

Behind him he heard Hange call, “Love you too, Levi!” 

He kept walking so they couldn’t see the smile on his face.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, in this chapter Levi talks a lot about his childhood and anti-sex work language is used as well as homophobia. 
> 
> Amaya is Mikasa and Jean's daughter who is in Eren's class. 
> 
> Eren is 24 and Levi is 35. 
> 
> Levi has a really big love/hate relationship with Charles, his ex, so it's confusing for him AND the reader. 
> 
> Levi is afraid of losing his daughter because he isn't good enough, that's a really big conflict he faces this chapter, too.

Levi wasn’t sure how to do this. Not how to dress himself, he spent years learning what did and didn’t work for him. Growing up poor meant growing up being bullied for being poor, so he learned quickly how to make himself appear clean, cut, and as good as everyone else. Levi was never once ashamed of his background, but blending in worked best when he was labeled the runt of the class. There was barely food on the table growing up but his mom made sure to give him the best, so Levi learned to work with it. That was the way to survive, his mother taught him that. 

What Levi wasn’t sure how to do was be a father. Sure, Charles didn’t take the lead when it came to parenting, but Levi never thought about how difficult it could be alone. He had no one to talk to about her hard days or share her victories with. He had his friends and his mom, but knowing he could go upstairs and shout that his daughter said her first words to someone who would be just excited was different. They were a team, even if they weren’t very good at it. And Lily loved them so that made faking it a little bit better. 

For the past forty five minutes Levi had dug through everything he owned, put it all back, then dug through it again. How exactly did one dress as a father? There was no handbook on how to be a good dad, especially if you’re single, gay, and in your mid-thirties. In New York the teachers loved Charles and him. Gay couples were accepted and welcomed. But this wasn’t New York and he didn’t have Charles. Levi was alone in asscrack Arkansas with a three bedroom house that seemed a little too empty for him and his little girl. The lack of a third body made the house seem like it was close to tipping over the edge. Charles was a pain, but he was their pain and Levi would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the consistency of him being a selfish asshole in his day to day life. 

His new home was a dream boat compared to where his mother and him used to live. The place he lived growing up was a small, rundown apartment building with no heat, barely any warm water, and an oven that took two hours to heat up. There were no bugs or rats, but it was as cramped and dusty as a sellable apartment could be. The floorboards creaked like they were seconds from collapsing and none of the windows fully shut, but it was four walls and a roof. The apartment also had his mom, so that was all he needed. His mother, though, made it feel like it was more than enough, like a glittering castle full of wonderful things. He got warm baths, new toys, and bouncy furniture to run around on. The meals he ate were delectable even if they had to start cooking in the middle of the day and memorizing which pieces of wood groaned beneath his weight was an entertaining hobby. Levi got the bed and all the blankets he could ask for but always managed to convince his mom to sleep in it with him rather than the pull out full of stabby springs. 

It wasn’t until he finally made his first friend, not acquaintance (as his mother called them), was when he realized the home they had was considered dirty. His name was Nathan and he played basketball and talked to Levi all of recess. He even tried to teach Levi how to play even though he was too short to even get the ball high enough for the net. Nathan’s dad wore nice clothes and so did Nathan. For a while whenever they hung out it was at school or at Nathan’s. Their house was huge! More than one bathroom and a kitchen that could fit their mattress inside four times over. One day, Levi begged for his mom to let Nathan come over. She agreed, cleaning every surface in their castle to make sure it was fitting for a visit. Levi durg his mom outside and bounced on the balls of his feet until the sleek black car pulled up. 

The playdate they had planned was cut short when the boys tried to scurry inside but Nathan’s father stopped him. His face was molded into a look Levi’s mom always said would make his face freeze. The man was silent before eyeing his mother. 

“Miss…” 

She smiled. “Kuchel is okay.” 

“Well, Kuchel, I don’t know what kind of runt you’re raising but my son will not be coming inside. I’ve heard about you, the way you pay for this poor excuse of an apartment, and I don’t want my son near you… or Levi for that matter.” 

Levi didn’t understand but his mother’s face was abnormally pale. “You were okay with Levi before you came here, he came over almost every day-” 

“That was before I knew he was your child.” 

“Don’t do this,” His mother was begging, her voice soft like when she talked to the apartment's owner. “Do not blame my child for what I have to do-” 

“You don’t have to do anything, you chose to have him and to raise him in this pathetic excuse of a home.” He sighed, looking down at Nathan. “We’re going home, I’m not letting you be around these… people.” 

“Levi has been looking forward to this, please, just let him come inside. You can come up and see that it’s clean and safe-” 

He looked at Levi then his mother. The man looked like the devil, the villain, the bad guy that doesn’t deserve to come into the castle. “It will never be clean with you in there.” 

Without another word or glance the two climbed into the sleek car, the stupid sleek car that was full of stupid expensive colognue and big egos. They drove off, leaving his mother and him standing uncomfortably in front of their home. Somehow the man made them feel out of place in their own home. His mother finally hugged him and cried softly, muttering apologies into his hair. He hugged her back and kissed her tears away. 

“They were too good for us.” Levi whispered. Lying helped sometimes. And maybe if he said it enough the empty feeling in his chest and stomach would go away because he would believe it. 

Nathan never spoke to him again. They didn’t stand together in line or watch each other fling the basketball as high as possible. Nathan never followed Levi around, talking to him about things he didn’t know were real. Levi was alone again and he was only in first grade. 

That was his biggest fear, his daughter going through the same thing. The fear of opening up, the fear of rejection, and the loneliness that comes from hiding behind the only safe thing you have. He didn’t want her feeling the sadness he felt when suddenly the kids grew taller and decided his clothing was too cheap. Or when kids would ask him to play before laughing in his face. Levi planned on doing everything he possibly could to make sure Lily had a better life than him. 

He didn’t resent his mother or the tiny castle they resided in. What Levi resented was the way people looked at them, like they were dirty and supposed to be buried six feet under. Like they were covered in mud and grime and weren’t allowed to be in the sunlight. Like they were meant to be hidden away. His mother always apologized for that, for not being able to afford the nice clothes or the nice homes, but he didn’t care. What he didn’t understand was why they were so mean. 

Seven years later Levi learned two words. Prostitute and faggot. Two words that were flung at him like jagged stones found buried in the dirt of the forest behind their playground. Prostitute, as young kids would define it, was known as a gross woman who didn’t like herself and who didn’t have anything else to offer. A synonym? Kuchel Ackerman. Faggot, as defined by his classmates, was a boy that was broken, a boy that was disgusting and vile and a freak. A synonym? Levi Ackerman. 

The same year Levi learned those words was the same year he learned to fight. Learned to not rely on side but on how to bring the enemy to his level then make them eat the dirt they claimed he belonged in. Fighting became normal for him, and soon a third word was added to his vocabulary, one that was whispered among his classmates. Dangerous. 

He kept it a secret from his mother, why he would fight and why she would get calls from the school and why his eighth grade knuckles were bruised Jolly Rancher purple and stained with blood. Kuchel believed he was acting out, attention seeking. But Levi was defending her, defending their castle. Boys soon learned not to say her name or any of their disgusting synonyms for it because Levi would knock their teeth out and bare his the entire time. 

Being feared was better. No one bothered talking down to him because they knew he would tear them to shreds then rebuild them in all the wrong places. Levi refused to let anyone make him or his mother seem like they didn’t deserve to be where they were. They fought, tooth and nail, and he didn’t care if their scars showed. He knew he was better than them anyway, and that if it came to it Levi would win. He made sure of it. Because there was no shame in their castle, only power. 

Despite not feeling shame because of where they used to live, Levi made sure to avoid going near the apartment complex at all costs. His mother made it feel like home but they outgrew it quick. Senior year was full of cramped beds and the apartment slowly sinking into the hole beneath them. So, Levi swore he would get them out, get them the home they deserve. He worked two jobs that year then went straight into finding a third. A coffee shop, night stocking at the local grocery store, and a bakery. He rose quickly at the coffee shop, the manager leading him towards making his own shop, his own brand. The owner allowed Levi to begin selling his own product after three years of working there and it took off. A year later he was given the coffee shop. 

Once Levi had enough money to support himself he bought his mother a nice house. It was two stories with a white picket fence and a wooden deck that was perfect for sitting and knitting on. That was only after his first shop opened and he did suffer through eating ramen noodles for months but it was worth it to give his mother the house she deserved, the castle she always told Levi about.

Levi checked his watch, sighing. He didn’t have much time to get his act together and appear somewhat clean-cut and organized before this meeting. What outfit screamed I’m-not-a-shitty-father-I-just-have-bad-taste-in-men and I-love-my-daughter-more-than-life at the same time? He couldn’t over dress because then it would be obvious he didn’t have a clue what he was doing, but he couldn’t under dress and look like the same, easy target for degradation because he appeared in the lower class. 

He sifted through his clothes, muttering swear words beneath his breath. Of course this was how his life turned out. After being bullied then turning into the boy that bullies feared to starting a successful business he would end up here, chewing his lip until it bled over trying to find an appropriate I’m-a-good-dad outfit that also screamed I'm-doing-this-alone-please-give-me- a-break. It was almost comical, how he worked so hard to end up in a too empty house, panicking about his parenting skills, and going back to his barely-visible-unless-you-squint-and-have-glasses hometown. 

Finally, Levi decided on some polished black shoes, black slacks, and a white button down that was freshly ironed. Getting dressed was simple, he could find his socks, boxers, undershirts, and anything else he needed because they were already unpacked. After arriving Levi sent his daughter to spend time at his moms house so he could tackle unpacking. A few boxes were still laid around the house but all clothes, dishes, decorations, and toys were in their respective places. Having the house undone only reminded him how they were uprooted and turned upside down, like a tornado attacked their family with a vendetta against Levi. 

He studded himself in the mirror, rolling and unrolling his sleeves before rolling them again and unrolling them once more. No one told him it would be this difficult, appearing put together when his entire life had done a 180, a cartwheel, then another 180 to make sure he was too disoriented to sort between his emotional responses and reactions. This was impossible, the teacher is going to know something is up and his rolled-unrolled-rolled sleeves aren’t going to change anything about it. Levi huffed and looked down at his shoes before kicking the side table. Now wasn’t the time to throw a pity party, his daughter had it worse than he ever did. He didn’t give two fucks about Charles, just about what Charles did. Lily was the one that loved him and his stupid slicked back hair and expensive ties that matched every single suit he had. And his stupid smile. And his stupid gifts after a fight. And his stupid surprise take out dinners whenever Levi had a long day. 

“Fuck.” Levi stated, his eyes raking over his outfit again. He felt like a child in too big pants, a thrift store shirt, and tennis shoes that pinched his big toe. This felt too similar to going to school when he was younger and pretending he owned the world when he barely owned anything at all. Levi promised himself he would never revert back to this, revert back to worrying how people interpreted him.

Reluctantly, and against his better judgement, he picked up his phone, dialing and holding it up to his ear. He sucked on his bottom lip, bouncing his leg. “Fucking hurry-” 

“Hello, Professor Smith speaking.” He sounded so serious answering the phone, like Erwin was waiting for an argument on the other line. 

“Erwin.” Levi said his name like a statement, it was all he needed to do for Erwin to know it was him. 

There was a pause. “You called my classroom phone? Really?” 

“I knew you would answer. You take that shitty job more serious than anything.” Levi huffed, impatient. “What do you look for in a good parent?” 

“Oh… um… I don’t know. I would like to get to know them before we become parents-” Oh my god. Erwin was seriously this stupid with a doctorate. 

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. Where did he find these people? “For students, christ, I guess anyone can become a professor.” 

Erwin chuckled at that. “You’ve only become more charming. I don’t deal with many parents, but I like when they’re aware of what’s happening. When I taught high school for a few years it was so frustrating whenever they had no clue what they were talking about but still somehow knew better than me.” Levi could hear Erwin rolling his eyes. “Parents that listen and communicate, not try to argue.” 

“Okay.” The gears in Levi’s head were turning, taking mental notes of what Erwin said and trying to apply them to his own situation. Nothing he was saying was really helpful, but talking to Erwin always made something better. Except for when it didn’t and Levi wanted to set his entire house on fire before walking away. Erwin was Erwin, though, even if he pissed Levi off to no end.

“Hange said you would be worried about this. He’s a first grade teacher, there is no way he’s scarier than you.” Erwin paused. Levi could hear the snarky remarks he was thinking about. “I’ve never seen you this nervous, not even on your wedding day.” 

“I don’t know what to expect. What if CPS is there?” He knew the question wasn’t logical but he had been winging his life for the past three months, there was no room for logic. It wasn’t welcome in his mind anymore. 

Erwin actually had the audacity to laugh, genuinely laugh. Levi wanted to grab the laughter bubbling from his chest and suffocate him with it. “And why would Child Protective Services be there?” 

“I don’t know but my luck has been shit lately and god knows what else is going to happen. Maybe I’ll have a tumor or a blood clot will get to my brain and kill me on the way there.” Levi was rambling. He didn’t act like this and when he wanted to he pushed it down. But this wasn’t about him, it was about his little girl and the risk of losing the only thing keeping him from sinking into his mattress and never coming out. “I can’t lose her.” The only time he was vulnerable was for Lily. 

“You won’t.” Erwin said it like it was a promise. Levi fucking hated promises. Promises did nothing but leave room for them to be broken. “I have a class starting soon and you have a meeting to get to. We can discuss how it goes over dinner.” 

“Dinner?” Of course they planned something without him. “That would’ve been nice to know, I could have prepared something-” 

“No, this is why we didn’t tell you. Hange, Moblit, and I are going to bring dinner over and you and Lily are going to get some rest and enjoy it. You need a break, plus, you’re opening your shop in just a few days.” Erwin took a pause and Levi swallowed. He didn’t need them getting soft on him just because his life sucked. Life sucks, it happens. “Just let us help you. You can take a breath and the world won’t fall apart.” 

Levi wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t have the patience or time to argue with him much longer. “Just text me whenever you guys decide to bless me with the presence I didn’t ask for.” He wouldn’t admit it felt nice having friends around. New York had acquaintances or colleagues. These were his real friends, the ones who had seen him at his best and worst and everything in between. They were his safe place. Shelter from a storm. “And don’t be easy on those kids, they’re the ones that signed up for your weird history fetish class.” 

“Levi, it isn’t a fetish-” Erwin made a noise that was a mix of a sigh and a laugh. “It’s just an advanced history class-”

“Bye.” Levi hung up before Erwin could finish speaking. Part of him felt lighter. Like one of the many weights around his ankles had been taken off and thrown into the ocean. For some stupid fucking reason these people could do that for him. Make him feel like life wasn’t so god damn fucking shitty. Or even if it was, that it would be okay. 

Driving to the school was a different story. All the weight Erwin somehow released had come back and somehow doubled in size. His car felt all too small and all too slow at the same time and he was sure he was having a heart attack. Or a blood clot hit his heart. This was the closest to dying Levi had felt in a long time. The fear in the back of his mind saying that he could somehow lose Lily by simply not being enough made him feel dizzy and sick and angry and scared. 

He knew he was panicking over nothing, but Lily was all he had left. The kid was the only real thing he had going for him. And his life had been changed since he looked into her little eyes and she wrapped herself around his finger and buried herself deep in his heart. He was never going to let the world hurt her, or even come close. The fear of going into that room and not being able to show that he would tear the sun down with his bare hands for that little girl was consuming him. Levi needed to prove that he was good enough, maybe not just to the teacher, but to himself.

Levi didn’t notice he was gripping the wheel too tight until he looked down and saw the pale of his knuckles pressed against the fake, black leather of the wheel. This was going to kill him, this child was going to kill him, this teacher was going to kill him. All of this was going to fucking kill him and all he could do was sit back and watch and wait for it to be written on his fucking tombstone. Here lies Levi Ackerman, a terrible father who has no one to blame but himself. Cause of death? This fucking shitty situtation he has to call life. 

Music couldn’t shut up the thoughts swirling in his head. Thoughts of his daughter hating him or the teacher believing he’s unfit or that he stole his daughter. That was messy. Charles and him never fought for her. There were no divorce papers. Technically, they were still married. And they will be until America stops allowing gay marriage or Charles finally comes out of wherever the fuck he was hiding. Levi wasn’t sure which would come first or which was more likely, but if he had to take a guess America would take his rights before Charles would ever come back to his family, the family he chose to start. With the husband he chased and the daughter he begged for. Charles was always known for getting bored. Levi should’ve known better. 

He actually had to laugh. This was really happening, this entire situation was real and not the plot to some shitty romantic comedy. This bullshit was Levi Ackerman’s unfortunate little life. And the only good thing, the only light was the daughter whose life he was actively ruining by fleeing from their problems with the hopes of them never following.

Logically, he knew Lily didn’t hate him. His little girl never once even uttered the word. She didn’t throw temper tantrums or toss half assed insults like other kids her age. Lily was smart and kind and only six years old and better than Levi ever could be. And god, if his daughter ever resented him he was sure he would drop dead without any warning at all. The underlying fear kept him up at night. He never hated his mother for the way they lived, but his mother never had any help. What if she believed Charles left because of him? Because he wasn’t good enough or that he was bad enough to make her father give up completely? He couldn’t think about it. The thought of being the reason for his daughter's frown made him sick. 

Driving to the school reminded him of the too-long bus rides he had to sit through and the whispers he heard each time they pulled up to his stop. He was the only child to ever get on and off on that street. Everyone knew that their favorite social reject lived in the run down apartments at the end of the street. To pass the time he would read, or count cars, or tap his fingers against the window. Anything to distract himself from the empty seats around him. Anything to avoid making him appear as weak and as sad as he felt. Sadness wasn’t weakness, his mother taught him sadness was normal, but his sadness could be used as a weapon against him. And those children didn’t need to add any more knives to their collection. 

Whenever Charles, Lily, and him would visit asscrack Arkansas Levi avoided giving them a tour. He knew his life wasn’t anything special or spectacular, so dragging them around to show all the different places he got into fights or got reminded he was below everyone else seemed pointless. He tried to avoid this route like the plague, taking as many side streets as possible to head towards the destination he needed and not the shitty school that looked like it had been falling apart since it had been built. 

It was a shitty school, Elk Grove. The district was small and begging on the corners of streets for funding. The grade school, middle school, and high school all went by the same name. Elk Grove grade, middle, and high school. Levi had no idea who had the genius idea to name it Elk Grove and not after the town itself, but questioning anything in this place was a waste of time. The floors were full of cracks and the sidewalk had so many holes that it was common for people to trip and fall. One of the outer staircases in the high school was so deteriorated that they had to put a cone and block anyone from using it because it was such a liability. The halls were cramped with too big lockers filling one side of the wall space, children's art covering the other. 

Levi had taken a small, half assed tour last Friday, Lily practically running around the building. She was too curious for her own good. His tour guide was some man named Armin Alarm, no, Armin Alert. He was the school counselor and promised Lily was going to have the time of her life in this school. Levi had to give it to him, he was a good cheerleader and extremely optimistic for someone who gets paid ass to help carry the school. Lily liked him, though, liked that he had hair like Levi and that he could talk to her about all the books she read and planned on reading. Levi liked reading, but he couldn’t compare to this Armin guy. 

There was a mystery regarding if Lily was actually excited for the move, for the new school, and to be closer to Levi’s family (Hange, Erwin, Isabel, and Furlan included, not that he would tell them that) or if it was some elaborate act to make sure her dad didn’t suffer more than he already was. She only expressed a few times she would miss her friends but she was excited to make new ones. A few tears were shed here and there, but overall she seemed happy about the change of scenery. Still, she was a smart girl and Levi wondered if he taught her being stoic was the best option when it felt like the world was crumbling. 

Her smile said she was happy, though, It was real, with crinkles and lines forming on her face like she was a little old lady. Decorating her room was exciting because it was a new color and layout. Exploring the school was fun because there were new people to meet and new things to learn. She got to see her grandmother whenever she wanted and his mother adored every minute. The backyard made her smile only grow because there was so much room to run around and a new playset including a trampoline (courtesy of her fathers guilt).

As he pulled up to the building he felt like a child again and for a moment he wondered if his daughter was braver than him, facing this school head on and ready to overturn every brick that it was made of. The school seemingly stared at him headon, both of them taking in every inch that changed (and hadn’t). When they visited days ago Levi hadn’t had time to take it all in, Lily was dragging him out from behind the wheel as soon as they parked the car. Levi was thankful that she was excited enough for the both of them. That made the guilt a little more bearable. 

Levi took a deep breath and climbed out of his car, closing the door behind him. He kept his head held high as he walked, eyes scanning for any other faces. School had gotten out about fifteen minutes ago and most of the chaos was done. A few kids waited outside for rides and after school groups started their activities beneath the fall sun, but no group was too intolerable. Thankfully, there weren’t any adults outside minus the staff. Levi was grateful, he wasn’t in the mood for small talking with anyone he didn’t have to. His mind was set on one person and one person only. Mr. Yeager. He pushed the button outside the front door, awkwardly shuffling beneath the camera. 

“Good afternoon!” The voice behind the speaker called. “Oh, Levi? Is that you? I thought you would be stopping by today!” 

Oh, how Levi hated small towns. And his name. And anything else people could use to recognize him. “Uh… yeah.” He had no clue if the person could even hear him. He wanted to personally stab every eye he felt on him.

“It’s Armin!” Of course it was. Because Levi needed more of the staff to prove himself to. Because this wasn’t a tour, it was a meeting discussing the circumstances of his unfortunate little life and the poor shit his child had to go through. “We met Friday, I gave you the tour!” 

Levi wondered if anyone could actually forget Armin. He wasn’t exactly loud, but he was talkative once he got going on the right subject. Apparently, the right subject today was Levi. Perfect. “Yeah, thank you for that. You sealed the deal for Lily.” 

“Oh, how wonderful. Here, I’ll let you in.” The lock on the front door popped and the door cracked open just enough for Levi to get a hold of it and walk inside. “Perfect! I’ll meet you outside the office and figure out what you need.” 

Levi shuffled inside, squinting at the burst of heat that rushed across his face. Fall just began and they were already blasting the heat? How he missed New York weather. He forced a stiff smile as Armin walked up, hoping he didn’t look like he was shitting himself. “Good to see you again, Mr. Alert.”   
‘  
“You can call me Armin, the kids do. Since I’m not a teacher I let them have a little more space. My job is all about building relationships and helping kids.” He offered a warm smile and it was hard for Levi to find it in himself to be annoyed. Stil, he searched. “If Lily needs anything at all, just send her my way. Big moves can be scary so I’ll keep an eye out for any behavior regarding it.” 

“She’s a good kid.” Levi tried not to sound defensive. “She behaves at home and minus a few moments where she missed her old house or friends she has been coping great.” He didn’t need his meeting to start with a parenting pop quiz he was sure to fail. Part of him hated that there was a risk that he fought so hard to get his child back just to have her taken away or ruin her life at the ripe age of six. 

“Of course, she seems like a bright one already. And I don’t doubt that you’ve been there for her every step of the way.” Armin smiled again. That damn smile made it so hard to be angry, and somehow that made Levi angry. “Kids can often behave differently at school and at home. It isn’t always a bad thing, I just want to be a second pair of eyes for you.” He reached out to shake his hand, as if to say that they were a team and that he wasn’t Levi’s enemy. “Plus, I’ll be able to tell you how great she’s doing. I already checked on her today and she was doing wonderful.”

“Really?” That made Levi smile, it was small but it was there if someone looked for it. His daughter had a good day. Maybe he wasn't the worst father of the year after all, maybe just the worst dad of the month. Levi took his hand and shook it firmly. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” 

“This is a lot. With the new shop and the move. It’s the least I can do to make sure it goes well for both of you.” Armin placed his hands on his hips. “What else would I be here for anyway?” 

Levi couldn’t remember telling him about the new shop, but when they met before he was shitting himself so he wouldn’t put it past him to have completely blacked out. His mouth was dry. “Yeah… I actually have a meeting with um… Mr.Yeager-” 

“Levi!” 

“Oh my fucking god…” Levi breathed out, looking behind him. A redhead in a long sundress and jean jacket was charging at him. Isabel. 

“You didn’t tell me that you were coming in today! I could’ve given you a personal tour!” Isabel wrapped her arms around him and spun. “It’s nice to have you home.” 

Levi wished he could say he was completely happy to be there. “You’re crushing me.” He sighed, wrapping his own arms around her. “I wish she could be in your class, but I don’t think skipping a grade would mix with the move and the losing a father-” 

“Oh my gosh-” Armin stuttered out behind them. “I had no idea that he was dead!” 

Levi wished he was. “He isn’t.” 

“Don’t pry, he’s been through enough as it is.” Isabel pulled away. “So, you’re here because-” 

“I’m meeting with her teacher to give him a rundown on our little… situation.” This conversation was lasting longer than it needed to. He loved Isabel, truly, but he felt too light headed to be carrying on a conversation. 

“He is right across from me! I can take you there.” She took his hand gently, guiding him down the hall. “Wanna come, Armin?” 

“I’m always up to bother Eren.” Armin chuckled, following the two towards one of two hallways. It was decorated with colorful pictures of shapes and animals and people. Or at least that's what Levi thought. Kids weren’t the best at realistic art. 

Eren. That was his name. Eren Yeager. It sounded like a brand of whiskey. Levi could use some whiskey. “Do you have a flask?” He whispered to Isabel. “Or mouthwash? I’ll take anything.” 

“This is school property, of course not.” She nudged him and smiled. He had missed her smile. “I got it hidden in the bushes outside.” 

“Drinks aren’t until Friday, can you please wait a few more days before getting plastered like always?” Maybe Armin didn’t have the world's longest stick up his ass. Maybe it was small and he just dressed like he planned on ruining lives for fun. To him, Armin looked like a mini Erwin. And he couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing. “Whoever put Eren at the end of the hall needs to be fired, he’s always late and uses that damn door to sneak in.” 

“I know, I’m jealous.” 

Great. Eren was an immature adult who was notoriously late and Levi had to entrust his daughters education and safety in him. “Hm.” 

“Okay, bro, here it is. The very last one with the door closed.” Isabel patted his back before shoving him. 

Levi felt his eye twitch. “We’re grown adults, you don’t need to keep calling me that.”

“But Levi is boring.” 

“Let them have their meeting.” Armin put an arm between them and guided Isabel away. “I heard your kids had a pizza party today because they all got 8 out of 10 or higher on their spelling tests. That true?” 

“Yeah, but I also just really wanted pizza.” Isabel explained, walking into her classroom with Armin following.

Levi stared at the door in front of him. Now was the time for the tumor or blood clot to hit. He could collapse and die and never have to meet this immature asshole. He waited a moment before sighing. Of course he couldn’t get lucky enough to die on the spot. He struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, reaching out and touching the doorknob. He twisted it and pulled it open, peeking his head inside. 

A tall kid was crouched beside a small table. Lily’s purple dress made it obvious that she was sitting beside him. She was pointing at something, but Levi couldn’t see what it was. The kid's hair was tied half up, half down and his shirt was untucked. They laughed together as Levi’s eyes scanned the room for Mr. Yeager. Nowhere to be seen, he must have this kid tutoring his daughter. As if she needed a tutor, Levi smirked at the thought. 

Levi stepped into the room and cleared his throat. 

Lily whipped around, standing up so fast her chair fell over beside her. She struggled to pick it up and push it in before running towards Levi. “Dad!” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hid her face in his abdomen, little hands tying themselves in knots with his shirt. “Today was great!”

Levi placed a hand on her head, smiling down at her. “Good, but I need to talk to your teacher before I hear all about it, okay?” He raised his eyes to the kid standing awkwardly in front of him. “Um, do you know where Mr. Yeager is? We have a meeting-” 

The kid looked at him, smiled, then laughed, and stood himself up. “Oh! My apologies!” 

“You’re fine.” 

The kids' limbs were long and gangly, and he stood like he didn’t know what to do with them. “I should’ve introduced myself sooner.” He extended out a hand and smiled, tilting his head to the side. “I’m Mr. Yeager, but you can call me Eren if you would like.” 

Oh? Levi stared at him. Oh. “My apologies, you just-” 

“Look young? Yeah, I get that a lot. It’s the hair.” He smiled, pulling out a child's chair. “Have a se-” He stared at Levi. “That wasn’t a height joke, sir. Just a habit, I have my chair if you would like or-” 

This man was almost as scared as Levi was. That was refreshing. “I’ll stand. Is there something that she could do while we talk?” 

“Yeah.” Eren crouched down and smiled at his daughter. “Wanna go back to reading that book while your dad and I chat? If you finish it you can go grab another.” 

Lily nodded, prying herself from her father and running back to her table, sitting down at it and flipping through the pages, eyes wide with wonder. Levi felt his heart swell. Maybe this wouldn’t suck too bad. 

“So, Lily is a great kid. I mean, we did placement tests during small groups today and she tested out of first grade for both. And the kids love her, she’s all about playing with others. I’m sure she's best friends with every student in the class.” Eren looked at her then to Levi. “Whatever you’re doing works. She was a little shy, so I paired her with my sister's kid, Amaya, and they kicked it off. That gave her the confidence to take on the rest of the day.”

Levi nodded, lips pressed together. “No fights? Kids used to bully her and-” 

“Is that why you moved?” Eren asked. “And no, no bullying. My kids are pretty nice and whenever something comes up I tackle it head on. They’re too young to be so angry.” Something told Levi that Eren understood that feeling. Anger swelling inside of them when they were barely taller than a kitchen counter. 

“We didn’t move because of that, no. I taught my kid to fight back if something happens.” Levi glanced at Eren. “She’ll finish whatever starts.” 

“Oh, uh, okay… well, no signs of any of that. She didn’t really like P.E. but recess was good. She picked flowers with Amaya and gave them out to the other students. The tests were well. It might take her a few days to understand where we are with the curriculum, but I have high hopes for her.” Eren’s eyes were on him, now, not his daughter. He didn’t like how small Eren made him feel. “Why did you move, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

Levi held back a sigh and ignored the tightening of his chest. This wasn’t his fault, he was trying to make it better. And Lily was fitting in, doing that thing kids do where they meet and know they’re best friends forever. Levi wished it was that simple, that he could meet them and know if they would be there forever. “Her dads gone, so-” 

“Oh my god, he died?” 

Not again. “Someone should really teach you guys bedside manner instead of instantly assuming he’s dead then asking about it.” He needed to be nicer. Snipping at the teacher because his life sucked wasn’t fair even if the idiot would make a good punching bag. “No…” He didn’t know how to say it, it was still hard to say to himself sometimes. “Divorce.” 

“Oh, well, I’m sorry you’re going through that.” So was Levi. “If there is anything I can do, please just tell me.” 

Levi wondered if killing his ex-still-husband was an option or if he had to pick a legal form of help. “Keep her happy.” 

“I’ll try.” 

They were silent for a moment, eyes trained on Lily as she flipped through the pages of the book. She always enjoyed reading. Levi made sure to read her one book a day even if it was over the phone. If he went where she couldn’t follow he packed books just to call and read them to her. Levi wondered how many more books he would get to read to her before she was sick of him. 

“Sir-” 

“Levi.”

“Levi, if I may say… maybe it’ll be good to contact your ex-” 

All Levi wanted to do was knock his teeth out. Stomp them out with his foot, rip them out one by one with his fingers, or knock them out with his fists. Anything that would get this man to shut the fuck up. 

“I can’t.” 

“She just said she missed her dad, not you, but the other one-” 

“You think I don’t know she misses him?” Levi snapped, whipping around and staring Eren down. “I would love to contact him, hell, moving with him would have been a dream, but three months ago I got back from visiting my mom with her and all of his stuff was gone, Not moved, not packed, but gone. No note. He blocked me. No calls or texts. His parents hate me and no lawyers contacted me. I would have better luck using morse code with fucking batman than getting a reply from this man.” Levi stepped closer to him. “I fucking miss him too and I know she does, but if I could have done something about it I would have. I don’t need a teacher that’s known her for eight hours telling me how to parent.” 

Levi stepped away from Eren, walking to the table Lily was sitting at. “Hey, we’re going to go home and get ready for dinner. Moblit, Hange, and Erwin are coming over. We don’t want to be late, do we?” Levi wanted to flip every table in the room. This was going so well but that fucking idiot just had to say she missed her fucking asshole father and her remaining asshole father just had to snap. 

Lily nodded, closing the book and standing up. She bounced towards her hook to grab her backpack and jacket, acting as though the room wasn’t suffocatingly tense. She picked up her white jacket and slid it on, buttoning it up before picking up her backpack and lunchbox. “Ready.” Then she gasped and ran over to the book. “Wait, I need to put this away-” 

“Um, it’s fine, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it. I know you’ll take good care of it.” 

Lily picked up her book, Magic Treehouse, and bounded over to Levi. She took his hand and waved at Eren with her fathers hand in hers. “Bye. Mr. Yeager.” 

Stupid fucking name. “Bye.” 

“Have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow, Lily.” 

“Okie dokie!” Yeager was lucky Lily was there. She unintentionally held Levi back. 

Levi walked her out of the building without saying another word.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for this chapter i wanted to focus on levi's chosen family and how he acts with erwin and hange

Levi gripped the steering wheel tight as he drove. He fucked up. Bad. Levi had fucked up many times in his life but this was a big deal. This would have an impact. This meeting was supposed to be him showing his good side, the side of him that people wanted to see, the side that wasn’t jagged and broken and completely unapproachable. Instead, he snapped at the teacher who he was trying to impress and showed how fucked up he really was. Levi might as well have put up a billboard that said “I hate myself and my life is spiraling out of control and it’s going to send me to an early grave if this keeps going the way it is” and emailed the address to everyone who saw him. 

He didn’t usually let his anger get to him. Levi was known for being unapproachable and harsh when it came to honesty, but he had self control. It was shameful that simply mentioning Charles caused him to get so angry and snap. Maybe it was that he felt attacked. Or maybe it was Hange lecturing him on admitting his feelings. Or maybe it felt like he was being blamed again like he didn’t already blame himself. Whatever the case may have been, Levi knew how to control himself and what he did was out of character, not that Eren would know that. 

“Dad?” Lily’s calm voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Are you okay? You haven’t asked about my day or told me about yours.”

This kid could read him like a book. Right, Levi thought, their routine. Levi picks her up, asks her three good things and one bad thing about her day. She does the same. “Sorry, I was thinking. What were three good things that happened today?”

Lily looked at him through the rearview mirror, kicking her legs back and forth. “Mr. Yeager gave me a book. And I got to swing at recess. And I made a friend, her name is Amaya, and she loves coloring. And I love coloring. She was shy so I talked mostly, but she would nod and stuff, kinda like what you do whenever you don’t like who you’re talking to.” 

Levi chuckled at that. Thank god she was in the car. Whenever she was around he didn’t feel like such a shitty fucking dad. Something about her bright eyes and her innocent thoughts gave him hope. It was impossible to hate the world when she was in it. “You got me, it’s not my fault not everyones as endearing as me. Or interesting.” Levi could go on.

“You’re not endearing, you’re scary looking!” Laughter bubbled from Lily’s chest, her head tossing back and her entire body wiggling in her seat. She loved reminding Levi he wasn’t the most approachable. Charles always said that he was scary and intimidating. It became an ongoing joke that Levi was the scariest thing in the world. Now the joke would just be between the two of them. Levi didn’t know how he felt about that. Missing things always irritated him. 

“Hey!” Levi didn’t realize he was laughing until his deep voice rang through the air, blending with hers. “You aren’t scared of me, right?” Dark thoughts took his laughter and stuffed it back into his chest. He didn’t want to think about this, but the question was already hanging in the air, it’s weight pushing down on them. 

“No, I know you’re nice. But you scare a lot of grown ups.” Lily moved her eyes to the window, watching the trees become blurry as they drove by them. “Mr. Yeager was very scared of you, so was Mr. Alert. I think it’s funny, though. You aren’t mean.” 

Guilt washed over Levi’s body. He didn’t mean to be intimidating, it was just who he had to become when everyone decided to fuck with him. Growing up small and poor and different wasn’t easy. He had to rebuild himself every time he got broken down until he began to do the breaking. The way one carries themself causes the others around them to think a certain way. When Levi was young, naive, and hopeful they would walk all over him. Throw rocks at him and shove him. Insult him and remind him that they believed he didn’t earn his place in the world. And as he got older people started to see the anger inside of him. That they should fear him. And if they didn’t, Levi would give them a reason to fear him. 

“I wasn’t trying to, I guess they’re just not used to strong men.” He couldn’t let her know how he felt. How he felt guilt whenever innocent people were caught in the crossfire of his stone face and angry glares. “They’ll get over it, your dad was scared of me when we first met too.” But he was also interested. Charles said he had never met someone who was like him. So angry but so reserved. So hurt but so held together. So stubborn but so emotional. Levi wanted to knock his teeth out for ever making him think he was understood.

“I like them. Mr. Alert asked me how my day was going. He’s really nice and he said I can come see him whenever I need to.” At least she was happy. He hadn’t seen her this excited since they came home to a house that was half empty. “I think I’ll see him during the spelling test on Friday, I don’t wanna do it.” 

“We’ll study.” Levi promised, smirking as she let out a dramatic sigh. “Do you wanna be smart like me? You gotta do the work even if you hate it, Lily.” 

“I want to drop out.” She tossed her body back against the seat and closed her eyes, sighing so hard Levi was sure she was deflating. 

Dramatic. “You can do that once you’re seventeen. But you’re six. You got about ten years of education to finish before you’re educated enough to decide to stop.” How did she even know what dropping out was?

“So, in ten years I can drop out?” The hope in her eyes made Levi chuckle. Like ten years wasn’t extremely long. Like if she went to bed early enough tonight she would wake up and it would be ten years later.

“Yep. No college if you don’t want it. But you have to do something. You’re a smart girl, you’ll figure out a way to keep yourself occupied.” Levi smiled, looking back at her. “And you’ll have to visit me every once in a while, not let that big brain get the best of you.”

“I’ll never visit. We can just live together. I can become an astronaut and then we can live together in a ship-“ 

Her career of the month was astronaut. She saw one video on the news about the lives of the men up in space and she devoted all her time to looking up videos about astronauts. “Astronauts need to do a lot of work to get there. A lot of school, a lot of science-“ 

“But not a lot of spelling tests.” She cut him off. “It’s perfect. I can drop out in ten years, become an astronaut, then we can move into a spaceship and live up there forever!”

“Whatever you say, Lily.” Levi pulled into the driveway, slowing to a stop and putting the car in park. “Don’t forget your backpack, just because you started at a new school doesn’t mean you get to pretend homework doesn’t exist.” He climbed out of the car and opened the door for his daughter who scrambled to get her things, climb out of the car, then run back in and grab the book Eren had allowed her to bring home. “You already got a week off while we moved, it’s too early to slack.”

She climbed out of the car a second time and bounded towards the house, holding the book against her chest. “What’s for dinner?” Her hair swayed behind her and Levi made a mental note to talk to her about getting a haircut or if she wanted a trim. 

“I don’t know, they said they planned on providing dinner.” Levi held his new house key between his fingers. He hated this. The space that was now empty. It didn’t feel right and every minute of every day he was reminded how a selfish man broke his trust and more importantly his little girl's heart. “That could mean anything, I’ll ask them about it while you get your snack and stuff.” 

“Okay, dad.” She stood at the door, eyes locked on Levi’s hand as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. “Our new house is so pretty, I like it a lot.” She turned around and hugged Levi, face buried in his stomach. “Thank you.” 

Levi swore he could feel his heart swelling. He wasn’t the Grinch like Hange insisted, but he definitely wasn’t one for wild displays of affection. Charles loved to make a scene, but it was less about Levi and more about making himself look good. Like he tamed the beast or gave the man a heart. He wrapped his arms around his daughter and kissed her forehead. 

“I’ll give you everything I can.” He whispered against her hair. “You’re welcome.” His daughter had him wrapped around his finger, he knew it was painfully true. If she hated the home he would buy another. Anything until she was happy. That was why Charles even got the opportunity to leave. Because Levi knew their love died out long ago, but because Lily’s love for him was still burning. 

Lily pulled away, walking inside and shrugging off her backpack. She set it neatly on the edge of the couch and walked towards the kitchen, pulling out her stepping stool and getting into the cabinet for her snack. And Levi just watched her. Her smile and the way she walked around like this had been their home for years, like they weren’t a sore thumb in a small town. This six year old taught him more about strength than anyone else. 

Closing the door behind him felt nice, like it was the end of the day. Spending time with his friends and daughter felt effortless, but meeting new people was difficult. He had never been a people person, which is why he was so surprised when Lily was the most popular girl in the class. Levi spent the most time with her, so the fact that she was everything he wasn’t made him smile. The girl always surprised him. 

Levi dug his phone out and walked towards the dining room, running his free hand along the tablecloth to smooth over any wrinkles. He dialed Hange’s number before pressing it to his ear. Erwin, Moblit, Hange, Levi, and Lily. Five seats which meant five glasses, five bowls, five plates, five napkins, and five wrapped silverware. He had a few pre-wrapped, a napkin tucked around the spoon, fork, and knife, but he wasn’t sure if he had five done. Displaying silverware like he still worked in a cafe was an odd habit he had, but it made him a hit at all of his dinner parties. 

“How was the meeting?” Hange was too loud for this late in the day. Or maybe they were too loud in general. 

“I’ll be drinking tonight, if that tells you anything.” Levi looked down at his nails. This day was entirely too long. 

“Yikes.” Hange hissed through her teeth. “That bad? I mean, come on, you’re an impressive guy, your house looks like it’s out of a catalog and you dress like a Gucci model, what isn’t there to like? Well, you do always look like you want to knock someone's teeth out, but that’s just your face.” Hange never feared him. Not once. Maybe that was why Levi loved them so much. Hange never made him feel different or wrong or angry. Hange made him feel like Levi, and only a few people could do that. 

“It was bad, I think I yelled. It was sort of a black out moment where I don’t remember what I said but I know I left with a knot in my stomach and needing a bottle of wine.” Levi paused. “Maybe two.” 

“You don’t even get drunk.” 

“But it makes life easier to handle. Anyway, I don’t want to relive that nightmare so let’s drop it.” 

Hange laughed. “Okay, we can talk about it when we’re having dinner.” 

Of course. “You are relentless. We made it home and Lily had a good day. But she wants to know what is for dinner. And I have one rule, no pizza. We had pizza twice last week.” 

“You’re so boring, she loves pizza, she’s like a fucking Ninja Turtle-” 

“Don’t compare my kid to a fucking sewer turtle.” 

“They are wonderful! One time, Moblit and I watched the live action movie, and I was like… in love with them, like love. Like if they asked me to run away with them I would. And I don’t know how they make turtles sexy, but they do.” 

“Only Moblit is coming tonight, you can stay home with your turtle boyfriends.” Levi was smiling, really smiling. He stepped into his kitchen, studying the color of the walls without the lights on. He needed to change the color, it was a hideous vomit green. Ninja Turtle green. “What’s for dinner?” 

“Uh, I do not know. Erwin wants to pay for dinner and I’m paying for dessert but we never really talked about it. I’m thinking ice cream cake, though. But you’ll have to ask professor eyebrows what he’s bringing. Probably sushi or something, I don’t know how he does it but he even makes meals professional. It’s scary.” 

“He’s scary.” Levi flicked the light on. “I think I’m going to paint the kitchen.” 

“You just bought the house, do you really need to start remodeling?”

“It’s my house, I’m not going to sit here and let it be hideous. My room is a nice gray, I’m thinking maybe a light gray out here. Mauve white walls and dark gray cabinets. I’ll have to think about it.” 

“Okay Property Brother, you have fun with that. I’m going to finish up with my paperwork, then I’ll get Moblit and the cake and come over. Sound good?” They didn’t give him time to respond. “Perfect, love you.” Click. 

Levi dropped his arm to his side and raked his eyes over the kitchen. Fixing things was a good distraction. First, it was moving. Then it was buying his shop and decorating it. Then it was painting his room then Lily’s. Then it was hiring the new staff. He needed a new project, the shop didn’t need him daily. Well, maybe it did, but he could always paint during his lunch or at night. He was never one to sleep. Or one to face his nerves head on. Instead, he picked projects and focused on making something good come out of the shaking hands and loud thoughts. Levi didn’t avoid problems, only feelings. 

Levi looked into the living room, smiling at Lily flipping through channels on the television. “What do you think of the color in here? Think it’s ugly?” 

Her tiny head peeked over the couch. “It’s green, like trees.” 

“I see enough green outside, I don’t need more in my house.” Levi’s eyes went back to the walls. “I need a color that looks good with the lights on and off.” 

“Can I help paint it?” She got up on her knees and rested her elbows on the back of the couch, propping her head up with them. “I can get all the small places like I did last time. And I promise not to get it in my hair this time.” 

“Yeah, you can help. It might be a week or two but you can help. Don’t fill up on whatever you’re eating, they’ll be over in an hour or so.” Levi looked down at his phone dialing Erwin’s number. He pressed it to his ear, turning around and walking into their pantry. 

“Hey, Levi, I was just about to call you.” Erwin sounded like a teacher, Levi could gag. 

“Yeah, Hange said you’re planning the dinner. What is it?” 

“How angry would you be if I said it was a surprise?”

“No, it isn’t. Tell me so I can start getting ready.” He looked through his different whines, chewing on his cheek. “No pizza.” 

“Okay, fair enough. Chinese or Italian?” 

Levi dropped the phone from beside his ear. “Lily, Chinese or Italian?” 

There was silence. Then a gasp. “Chinese.” 

He lifted the phone back up. “Chinese. Tell me the restaurant and I’ll text you our orders.” 

“Okay, thanks.” Erwin fell silent. Levi knew some stupid serious piece of advice or words of wisdom were going to fill his ears. “We’re doing this so you can relax. Don’t focus on setting up your dining room and all that other dramatic stuff. Get out plates and forks and spoons and cups. That’s it.”

“Who died and made you in charge?” 

“No one, but you need to stop trying to make everything perfect. We don’t expect that from you. You can breathe and not go all out and the world won’t explode. 

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’m being a good host-” 

“We aren’t Charles. You don’t need to impress us.” 

Levi wanted to break his phone. Or put a hole through the wall. Or reach through the phone and strangle Erwin. “Text me the restaurant.” He hung up and tucked his phone into his pocket hoping that would stop the urge of snapping it in half. Why did everything have to come back to him? Not everything Levi did had to be for him. Charles did want him to make and keep things nice, but now it was his choice. Being a good host had nothing to do with Charles. Levi could exist without him. Levi did exist without him.

“Lily, I’m going to take a shower. The door will be cracked and you can come in if you need anything. Don’t go outside or open the door for anyone.” He pulled his phone back out and set it on the table. “If Hange, Erwin, or grandma calls you can answer and say I’m busy.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before pulling away and disappearing into his own room. 

Levi stripped off his clothes and turned the shower on, testing the water before stepping in and closing the glass door behind him. He pressed his hands to the wall and let his head fall between his shoulder blades. And he cried. Softly. Silently. Only his chest twisting tighter and tighter. 

Fuck Charles and fuck Eureka Springs and fuck Eren Yeager and fuck Armin Alert and fuck every fucking body. He was so tired, so tired of having to run or be distracted or hide behind a cold face or behind a clear glass door in order to deal with what was happening. His fucking husband left without a word. His fucking husband left him and their daughter alone in their New York home. His fucking husband blocked him and pretended none of this was real, like they weren’t a family or at least a fucking team. And Levi hated himself for it. 

Every single day since he walked into his house and saw the vase missing and the walls half empty he hated himself. He hated himself because he wasn’t good enough at faking to convince a man to stay. He hated himself because he only knew how to run or fight and there was no one to fight so he simply ran. He hated how he missed knowing Lily had another dad and Levi couldn’t even make him stay. He hated that he missed Charles but pushed it down because what they had wasn’t love, it was dependency. It was boring and annoying and left Levi feeling empty but it was fucking something. When Charles was there it meant someone was there. And now Levi was alone and Lily missed her dad and fuck, Levi missed him too.

It had been two months and Levi had yet to tell people these things. He shoved them down and bottled them up before throwing it into the ocean and never looking back. Admitting he missed the company did nothing. Admitting Charles found a way to rip his chest open and burrow himself inside before climbing out wouldn’t bring him back. Nothing would bring him back. So, Levi didn’t say anything. Hange knew, and so did his mom, because they can read him like a book. But no one needed to hear it because admitting it didn’t help and everyone already assumed he was an old, cranky, broken hearted man. 

So he cried. And he cried. And he gasped for air and slammed his hands against the wall and cried some more. Because this was his life. Because he uprooted himself and trusted him. Because he left Levi and their daughter, no, his daughter. Because he missed him. Because his daughter missed him. Because Levi wasn’t sure that if Charles walked in if he would break all his bones because he was mad or because he didn’t want him to be able to leave again. So he cried.

Levi raised his head towards the water and let the drops hit it as his hand reached for the soap. He scrubbed his body, turning his focus on to anything but what just happened. The color of the kitchen or how he made a teacher shit himself as well as despise him without taking more than fifteen minutes of his time Or how Lily seemed happy and made friends and liked her teacher, so at least that was going well. Or how his coffee shop was opening in less than a week. Friday. He had four days to get ready. Ymir and Historia would be helping him in the morning before Connie and Sasha took over in the evening. That would be a good thing to focus on. Making sure everything is clean and ready and that no one is able to set the building on fire until opening day is done. 

Next, he washed his hair, combing his fingers through it and allowing his nails to scratch the top of his scalp. His hair was getting a little long, he needed to cut it. He couldn’t allow himself to look like Lily’s stupid first grade teacher. Levi groaned at the thought of him. 

Eren Yeager, some kid who somehow got a teaching degree and was now in charge of his daughters education. Eren Yeager who made his daughter stupidly happy, probably because they both had long hair and the brain capacity of a six year old. Eren Yeager and how his eyes seemed to get sad when Levi snapped at him. Eren Yeager who opened his mouth to say something but Levi rushed his daughter out before he could. Eren Yeager who Levi may have liked at some point if his life wasn’t going to shit. Eren fucking Yeager who somehow occupied a small portion of Levi’s mind after their disastrous meeting. 

Levi rinsed his hair, keeping his body underneath the stream of warm water. He needed to get out soon. To enter the world and get himself and Lily ready for dinner. He reached out and shut the water off, pushing the glass door open and stepping out, wrapping a towel around himself. He winced at the cold, walking towards his bedroom. He gathered his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper before examining the remaining clothes in his closet. 

Picking out clothes was much easier this time. He hated admitting it but Erwin was right, he didn’t have to impress them. They cared about him already. So, he picked up a plain button down shirt and some black slacks, not bothering to grab a belt or some nice shoes. He got dressed rather quickly, making sure to hang his towel in the bathroom before heading back into the living room. 

“Lily? You doing okay?” 

“Yeah, just watching the Princess and the Pauper again.”

Levi chuckled to himself. “Again? You’re going to get sick of it.” 

“Never! I love it so much! They’re so pretty and smart!” Lily beamed at the screen, her grin wide. “I wanna be a princess.” 

“You already are, trust me.” Levi patted her head, walking back into the kitchen. “Did anyone call?” 

“No, but Erwin texted you.” She picked up his phone and set it on the back of the couch, careful not to pull her eyes from the screen. 

Levi picked it up, unlocking it and opening the text. “What does homework look like tonight?” 

“I have a math paper to do and I have spelling words, but that’s all. And I already started on the math paper, there’s only a few questions left.” 

“Did you do it right? Or are you rushing because you wanted to get it done?” 

“Because I did it right. It’s only addition. Not subtraction or anything.” Lily looked over at him. “Can I have egg drop soup?” 

“Mhm. You’ll do the homework after the movie, okay? And if you need help you can ask. And if the food gets here first you’ll eat.” 

“Bossy.” Lily sunk down in the couch, sighing. “Homework is boring. I hate math.” 

“We all hate math, but we still have to do it.” Levi scrolled through the menu, typing his order out as he switched between the screens. “You can skip spelling words tonight and just do the math since we have company. Are the words hard?” 

“No. I know most of them. Mr. Yeager called them sight words.” 

Levi glanced at her. “What ones do you remember?” 

Lily scrunched up her face, thinking for a moment. “Um… because, water, which, number, write… and…. picture. I can’t remember the others.” 

“Not hard. But we will be practicing because some of them can be tricky.” Levi finished typing his order. “Chicken and vegetables? Or orange chicken?” 

“Chicken and vegetables, please.” 

“Okay, I just sent the order to Erwin. I’m gonna go get ready for them to get here.” Levi set his phone down on the table and started back towards the kitchen. “Hange is bringing ice cream cake.” 

“Ice cream cake?! Oh my god! I love Hange.” 

Levi chuckled, nodding. He opened a cabinet and began to gather the plates. “I think we all do.” 

Hange arrived quickly, jiggling the doorknob before knocking. Lily answered and was welcomed with a giant hug and a spin. That was the thing about Hange, they always acted like they hadn’t seen you in years. Moblit stood behind her, waving at the two. Despite spending most of his time with Hange since moving he had rarely seen Moblit. He worked normal hours as a physical therapist but Hange’s hours varied on how curious they felt for the day. 

“So, the ice cream cake has chocolate and vanilla and these crushed cookie things-” 

“Perfect!” Lily wrapped her arms around Hange again. 

“Did they make you designated driver?” Levi asked, taking the cake from Moblit. 

“I think it’s an unspoken rule now.” Moblit smiled, looking at Hange. Levi remembered when they met. How Hange couldn’t tell Moblit wasn’t in love with them and how Moblit bent over backwards for them. Levi also remembered threatening him. Hange is one of the kindest people he had ever met, he wasn’t going to let some idiot ruin that. But Moblit had yet to disappoint them. Their marriage was the type you see in movies, the type that they deserved. “I don’t mind, I can drink after I help them to bed if I want to so bad.” 

“Next time we do this it can be at your place and I can babysit.” Levi turned around, walking them towards the kitchen. “See? It’s ugly. I don’t know why anyone would paint their kitchen this color.” 

“I don’t think it’s bad but it really isn’t good.” Moblit muttered, looking at the cabinets. “Have you looked at paint yet? Because we have some left over from the basement if you want to borrow it. I can’t see us ever using it again.” 

“I’ll look. It just depends.” Everything always had to depend on something. “The dining room is all set up if you want to start getting drinks ready and all that.” He opened the freezer and paced the cake inside. 

“What are we drinking tonight?” Hange wrapped an arm around him. “Something to wash away embarrassment, that’s for sure.”

Breaking their fingers crossed his mind. “Bite me.” 

“Was he nice about it, at least?” 

“Maybe? He said I should try and talk to him because Lily said she missed him-” 

“Oh no.”

“And I sort of snapped and left and now Armin knows I’m a shitty dad, too. And Isabel, she works across the hall from him.” Levi huffed out a sigh and shrugged their arm away, walking over to the wine bottles on the counter. He opened one up without hesitating and poured himself a glass, then Hange a glass. “It felt like he was judging me or something, that shit pissed me off.” 

“Not to side with him but… he didn’t know. You don’t wear a shirt that says “My ex left me and my daughter behind” and people can’t read minds. He might have just thought-” Hange looked at him before raising their finger and taking a sip. “That you and Charles were petty and ignoring each other.” 

“I didn’t invite you over to rip off every scab.” 

“But you did invite me over to drink wine and complain about your life.” Hange smiled. “And you didn’t invite me. So, you don’t get to complain.” 

Levi rolled his eyes and took a sip. “He cares, I know that, but he’s paid to teach her how to read, not be a marriage counselor and tell me how to handle parenting.” 

“Did he tell you how to parent or are you insecure?” 

Levi chugged his wine and set the glass on the counter hard enough to shatter it. “Fuck off.” 

In the living room, lighter conversations were happening. Lily was showing Moblit her book that she got to take home before playing the Barbie movie again, explaining the plot before the first five minutes were even over. She rested her head on his shoulder and sang every song completely off key and far too loud. And she was happy. 

“I’m a dick.” 

“It’s okay, we love you for it.” 

“I bullied a first grade teacher.” Truth be told Levi didn’t know if it was bullying or him being rude, but both were pretty bad. Bad enough to never show his face in the school again. 

“Get him an apple or something. That’s what you did that one day a teacher tried to break up a fight you were in and you accidentally knocked a tooth out.” 

Levi smirked, filling his glass again. “Shouldn’t have gotten in the way.” 

“Get him an apple or something. Maybe a card. Write something like “Hey, I’m going through unprocessed trauma, sorry I tried to bite your head off when you mentioned my ex, I probably need therapy” and sign your name.” Hange slid their finger around the top of the glass. “Just as a peace offering.” 

“Then maybe he won’t call CPS.” 

“CPS has more important cases to focus on than an emotionally stunted father-” A knock at the door thankfully shut them up. 

“Can I get the door?” Lily was growing up too fast already. She was already standing, abandoning the Barbie movie and leaving Moblit in her tracks. 

“Only if you see Erwin. Or Erwin’s kneecaps!” Hange screamed, far too loud to be a foot away from Levi and far too loud to be in his house. 

Erwin came inside with three bags of food and a stupid grin on his face. He passed the bags off to Moblit and lifted Lily up. “How was your first day?” 

“Good, the teachers are nice.” 

“Oh?” Erwin looked at Levi and laughed. “I bet he is.” 

“Did you guys talk about me?” 

Hange raised the glass. “Maybeeee.” 

Moblit carried the food into the dining room, Hange following close behind. Levi stood in the kitchen, staring down at the floor. This really was his life. 

“Levi, come on, I know you haven’t eaten yet today.” Erwin had Lily on his hip, cradling her like it was nothing. “You don’t want your food getting cold.” 

Maybe this life wasn’t too bad. 

Dinner was nice. Lily sat on two phone books to keep her level with the table and Hange felt the need to offer Levi one just to be on the safe side. The table filled with laughter and even Levi was laughing, hiding behind his half filled glass. Moblit talked about opening his own office, trying to get out of the physical therapy at the hospital because apparently, Grey’s Anatomy was right, people do behave that way. Erwin talked about how he already had students failing even though the semester started three weeks prior. Lily sat up straight, trying to copy the adults, and talked about her new friend Amaya and how the school was much smaller than the one in New York so she didn’t feel afraid. And things felt normal, they felt good. For an hour Levi didn’t feel like the worst father on the planet or the newly single man whose life was falling apart. He felt like Levi. 

“How did your first day testing go?” Erwin asked. Of course he had to bring up school. “Did those reading tips I showed you pay off?” 

“I’m above grade level!” Lily raised her hand for a high five, nearly knocking herself out of the chair. Thankfully, Moblit caught her and pulled her back. “And my teacher gave me this book because I’m reading higher than most people in the class.” 

“You’re doing great, Lily.” Erwin high fived her and patted her on the back, nearly knocking her out of her chair again. “If you need any help, just tell me-” 

“Can you take my spelling test for me? I hate taking them, they are so boring!” 

Erwin smiled at that and nodded. “I’ll see what I can do, alright?” 

“I used to cry during every single spelling test.” Hange twirled her fork on her plate. “I hated words, I never understood them. So, I cried and passed because my teacher had no idea how to handle crying. Bless him.” 

“But-” Moblit nudged her. “You aren’t going to do that, you’re going to study and pass.” 

“Thank you.” Levi raised his glass to Moblit and took a sip. “Hange had me write all of their papers growing up, don’t take their advice.” 

“Hange had me do their history-” 

“I didn’t need English and history to become what I wanted to be, it felt pointless. What do you want to be?” 

Lily smiled from ear to ear. “An astronaut!” 

“You don’t need spelling tests for all of that.” Hange winced when Levi kicked them under the table. “Don’t let spelling tests stop you.” 

“She is in first grade, teach her how to cheat when she is older.” 

Or,” Moblit chimed in. “You do all of your work and don’t cheat ever because cheating doesn’t teach you anything.” 

Lily crossed her arms, wrinkling her forehead as if she was trying to focus. “It’s just boring. I know the words but spelling them is hard.” 

“And that is why there are tests, so you can study them during the week and learn them.” Moblit replied. “They aren’t for nothing-” He hooked his pinky with Lily’s. “I promise.” 

Hange stretched their arms above their head. “I think it’s time for some ice cream cake, who is with me?” 

Lily was already climbing out of her chair and running towards the kitchen. “Me!” 

Hange disappeared after her, clapping their hands. ‘Yeah! Ice cream!” 

“Do you think they’d want to have kids?” Moblit whispered. 

Levi choked, covering his mouth. 

“Oh, we’re having that conversation.” Erwin mumbled. “I mean, I don’t know. They wanted kids whenever we were younger, but since you’re both busy-” 

“Ask them.” 

“Levi, I can’t just ask them. It’s a serious commitment and we need to make sure we have a big enough house. I just wanted to gage if it was hopeless or not.” Moblit blabbered, his face turning red. :I just… a family sounds nice. Really nice. And seeing them with Lily-” 

“Baby fever.” 

“Not baby fever!” Moblit covered his face, sighing. 

“Who has a baby with a fever?” Lily asked, holding two plates in her hands. Shr reached up and gave one to Moblit before setting her own down and climbing into her chair.

“Oh?” Hange smirked. “Who has baby fever?” 

“No one.” Levi grumbled, giving them a glance. 

Hange gave a plate to Erwin and to Levi, setting their own down last. They sat down and grabbed a fork, shoveling ice cream into their mouth. “That sounds like a really big lie, but okay.” 

“No one has baby fever.” Moblit agreed with red cheeks. He took a bite of the cake and gave a shy smile. 

After the ice cream cake was finished Lily disappeared up to her room to do her homework while the rest of them started to talk. Hange moved next to Moblit, curling up beside him and nursing on the last bit of wine Levi allowed them to drink. Erwin shifted one seat over next to Levi and Levi stayed at the end of the table, twisting his wrist so that his wine sloshed from side to side in the glass. 

“How are you doing?” Erwin finally broke the silence. “Good? Bad?” 

“Fine.” Levi mumbled. “Still haven’t heard from him. The house is fully paid for and most of the unpacking is done. My shop opens Friday and hopefully it’ll be popular like the first one before I sold it.” He looked down at his drink. “No complaints.” 

“And Lily?” 

“She seems happy. Loves her teacher and her class. She likes her new room and the house.” Levi took a sip. “If something is wrong she’s hiding it.” He tensed. “She did tell her teacher she missed him. She doesn’t really tell me that anymore.” God, this shit sucked. Bad. 

“Is that what started the whole… First grade teacher smackdown?” Moblit asked. He spent too much time around Hange. 

“Yeah. That and um… he thought Charles died so he tried to give condolences. That was when I snapped the first time. But then he told me to talk to Chalres and that she missed him and it just felt like… I don’t know, like he thought he knew my daughter better than me. And that he didn’t think-” Levi sunk back in his seat. “I don’t know.” 

“Did you apologize?” Erwin loved dealing with mean parents, but that didn’t mean everyone did. Especially kids just out of college. 

“No, he ran before he could.” Hange sighed. “Are you going to get him a peace offering? AN apple? A card? Oh, maybe flowers.” 

“He isn’t my boyfriend, I’m not buying him apology flowers.” He scoffed, taking Hange’s glass when his glass ran out. “I didn’t even do that sappy shit for Charles.” 

“Well, just get him something. Or say sorry. Something to make this less awkward.” 

“Was he nice?” Moblit asked. “Like… he seems to care about his kids a lot. Maybe it’s good to make up since he’s already starting a relationship with Liy. I mean, she talked about him so much when I got here. Like he was a god or something.” 

“He’s just a dumb kid with long hair.” Levi grumbled. Weren’t friends supposed to take your side no matter how wrong you were? Maybe he needed new friends. 

“He’s a teacher, play nice.” Erwin warned. “You get pissed whenever people are jerks to me.” 

“Because you know what you are doing.” 

“And-” Hange butt in. “He knows what he’s doing. Doesn’t Isabel love him?”

“She loves everyone.” 

“Regardless, apologize. You probably made him piss himself or something.” Erwin nudged him far too hard. “Just be honest. He isn’t the enemy.” 

Like Levi needed another lecture on why not everyone was the enemy because he was angry. He rolled his eyes. “I’ll see him after school tomorrow and give him a stupid apple.” He took a sip, shaking his head. “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

“It’s a little funny.” Erwin mumbled, smirking behind his glass of water. 

Levi flipped him off. “You infuriate me.” 

“Teacher bully!” Hange called. 

“Okay, I think it’s time for you guys to go. Because it’s getting too late for this.” Levi stood up and pushed his chair in, looking down at all the dirty dishes. 

“Come on.” Moblit stood up and held Hange close, guiding her towards the door. 

Levi pushed the chair in, following them towards the door. “Drive safe, text me when you get home, all that shit.”,

“See?” Hange cooed. “He does care.” 

“Go home.” 

“Bye, Levi. Thanks for dinner Erwin!” Moblit called as he disappeared out the door with Hange clinging to his side. 

“You’re next.” 

“No.” Erwin pushed the door closed. “I’m helping you clean up because you’ll drive yourself crazy doing it alone.” 

“Do I get a choice?” 

Erwin smiled down at him. “Nope.” 

Cleaning up the mess went smoothly. Erwin filled the dishwasher while Levi rinsed and carried everything into the kitchen. Erwin was much different than Hange. He was straight and serious with Levi, but Levi appreciated him nonetheless. They moved well together, doing things without ever needing to speak or argue. It had been like that since they met. A silent understanding. Erwin just understood, even when he didn’t agree or wanted to pick a fight, he understood. 

“You aren’t a bad father, you know.” Erwin stood up, closing the dishwasher. It hummed beside them as it started. 

Levi avoided his eyes. “If we are going to have this talk I’m going to need some more wine.” 

“Levi,” His tone made Levi look up. His eyes were kind. They always were, even if his face was emotionless. “Bad parents don’t try as hard as you do. They don’t care.” 

Levi pressed his lips together. “Poetic, you might as well take me to bed with that one.” 

“I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Erwin mumbled. “But you aren’t alone.” Before Levi could react Erwin pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. “You can breathe, Levi.” 

So he did. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He only allowed himself a few seconds. “You stink, go home.” 

Erwin chuckled and pulled away. “Love you too, Levi.” 

Levi didn’t reply. And Erwin didn’t need him to.


	4. Chapter Three

This was stupid, really fucking stupid, more stupid than anything has ever been in his entire life. Really, this couldn’t be his life. People say it gets better but Levi was pretty convinced it just becomes more embarrassing as time goes on. It felt like the stupid apple was staring at him from the bowl of fruit on the counter. Oranges, apples, and grapes filled the small metal bowl with bananas hanging beside it. He drug a hand down his face and sighed. This couldn’t be his life. Truly. 

“Stupid fucking apple.” Levi reached out and grabbed the apple, staring down at it. A pathetic gift, really. Where did the entire teachers-love-apples thing come from anyway? Was Eren allergic to apples? Was Eren going to kick him out as soon as he got to the school? He put the apple back down, walking away from the counter. “God damn it.” He turned back around and grabbed the apple, walking over to the sink, rinsing it off. 

On the counter his phone buzzed, because of course his phone buzzed. Hange’s name read across the screen and Levi contemplated sticking his head in the sink and drowning himself. He grabbed it off of the counter, pressing the green button, and wedging it between his shoulder and ear. 

“What.” He said it as more of a statement rather than a question. Who knew moving back would make them think they had to be on the phone nonstop? 

“It’s two.” Hange sang through the speaker. “You know what that means? One hour until you swallow your pride!” 

“I can tell time.” Levi mumbled, shutting off the sink. His eyes scanned the room. What the fuck do you put an apple in? Handing someone a random fruit without anything is pretty fucking weird. “I’m not swallowing anything, I was rude and he didn’t deserve it.” 

“Maybe you need to send a mass email of anger triggers so you don’t keep attacking random strangers.” 

“Oh my god, I didn’t attack him.” Levi rolled his eyes, setting the apple on the counter. “I was just mean. And now I’m going to give him a stupid apple.” 

“That is why I called. Go outside.” Hange fell silent. “Levi, you aren’t moving, go outside.” 

“Is there a sniper out there?” Levi stepped away from the counter, walking towards his front door. “If I see your glasses you aren’t coming in. I have things I need to do, I need to clean and try out paint swatches, Moblit dropped the paint off, and-” He opened his door, stopping. “Flowers?” 

“A simple little pot. It’s sunflowers. And I think that will do better than you glaring at the poor guy and shoving an apple into his chest.” 

“I am not going to give him flowers, that’s weird-” 

“Have you ever been given flowers?”

Levi rolled his eyes, crouching down and picking up the small white pot. On the front in yellow letters it read “Box of Sunshine”. “No, but that doesn’t mean anything.

“Well, it’s sad. And flowers are cute. Teachers never get gifts, do you think Erwin would be the way he was if he got more gifts?” Hange didn’t give him time to reply, but they never really did to begin with. Talking to them was like being a wall. Trapped and forced to listen until they were done. “You wouldn’t think it’s weird to give Isabel gifts, right? She’s a teacher, a good one at that. Giving him stupid flowers isn’t weird, you’re just making it weird.” 

“No, the apple made it weird.” Levi stepped back into his house, bumping the door shut with his hip. There were six small sunflowers, obviously crowded together. “He’ll have to re-pot them if he wants them to live. They’re overcrowded as hell.” 

“Maybe you should open a flower shop-” 

“Shouldn’t you be working?” 

Levi could hear their smile through the phone. “No, it’s my lunch break and Moblit dropped me off some pasta. Isn’t he a dream?” 

“Mhm.” Levi mumbled, running his fingers along the petals. “Watch out before I steal him.” 

“Oh, Levi, we can share. He truly is wonderful. Anyways, I’ll stop blabbering about my successful marriage-” 

“You’re truly wonderful with words.” 

“You go get ready to kiss his ass and apologize. Nothing is more awkward than teachers and parents fighting, especially when the parent is just… angry and could really use some therapy.” 

Levi sighed, pulling his phone away from his ear. “Bye, Hange.” He hung up, setting the phone beside the pot of flowers. 

Levi looked between the pot of flowers and the stupid, red apple on his counter. Everything he had done in his life had really come down to this. Hange was right, it wasn’t that weird. The entire situation was pretty weird, but giving a teacher a present was the least weird. He wouldn’t hesitate to give Isabel flowers and she always gets so excited when kids include her in gift giving. Once she called him sobbing after work because one of her kids gave her a rose on Valentine’s Day. Eren would appreciate it or at least hate Levi a little bit less after his temper tantrum. 

He still couldn’t believe he did that. Snapping at someone who didn’t even know what he was going through. It wasn’t Eren’s fault, he just got caught in the crossfire of Levi’s life falling apart and Levi hating himself. And Lily liked him, and most of the time when Lily likes someone they have some sort of redeeming quality. Charles didn’t count, obviously, but other than that Lily had a good track record. Lily liked him and Lily deserved a good relationship with a teacher. Levi didn’t want to be the one to blame for another one of her failed relationships. 

Walking in that day made Levi feel empty. His car wasn’t there, but that was normal. He worked a lot and said he couldn’t come to visit Levi’s mom because he had a conference. But as soon as patches of the wall were showing and ugly vases were missing Levi knew. He was gone. Charles was always one to be withdrawn, but Levi never thought he would leave. He loved Lily, he was the one who wanted to start a family. Lily didn’t notice right away, but then she saw some of her pictures missing and Levi knew he couldn’t hide it from her. 

Daddy left, he remembered saying, I don’t know where he is and I don’t know why, but remember that he loves you. No matter how far away he is, he loves you. Lily cried that night. Curled up in Levi’s arms, their half empty house feeling all too cold. He didn’t bother contacting Charles that night. Instead, he focused on his little girl and how to start piecing her heart back together. 

He didn’t give himself time to hurt, he was too focused on Lily. How she stopped eating and didn’t speak for a few days. How she slept in bed with him and would cry softly. Both of them blamed themselves. Why weren’t they enough? Why did it hurt so bad? Why did he do it? Why couldn’t he at least call? 

Levi did get mad. He called and called him, leaving nasty voicemails each time. Reminding him he has a daughter at home that thinks it’s her fault and that she wasn’t eating. Telling him how fucking selfish he was to walk away and leave them behind and that he was a coward for not leaving a note or even saying goodbye. Levi yelled and swore and threw his phone and punched the wall. Anything to make him see how badly she hurt, how badly he hurt. 

Then he was blocked. And it was silent. And they were forced to learn to live without him. Empty places on the walls were replaced with drawings and paintings Lily made. Levi made sure to plan little play dates with her friends so that she would get out of bed. And it hurt and it felt empty. But they learned how to move on. Or at least live with the fact that they were each other’s family now. 

Eren could be good for her. A constant in her life when Levi can’t be there. So if that means he has to take stupid flowers and a stupid apple to a teacher whose hair was far too long, then he would. Because Levi would do anything for his child, even if it meant looking a little weird and admitting he was an asshole out loud and in person. 

Picking out an outfit wasn’t as stressful as the day before. He already made a horrid impression, but he still needed to look nice. So he changed out of his sweat pants and paint covered shirt, replacing it with a blue button up and gray slacks. He made sure to button his shirt all the way up and tuck his pants in, sliding a black belt through the belt loops. The shirt was crisp, and that made Levi happy, because he hadn’t had time to iron anything since they moved. At least he wouldn’t have to redo all of his shirts. 

Hearing people say “it’s the little things” always pissed him off. People couldn’t hold on to tiny, unimportant things in order to gain some sort of hope or happiness. But now that he feels like he’s been stripped of everything he understands. No one ever knows what the little thing will be, but it always has a big impact. Whether it be his shirts not wrinkling, Lily drawing him something, Erwin helping him with dishes, phone calls with Hange, his mom's tea, or going out with Isabel and Furlan. The small good things were surprises, they were smiles when he needed it and someone saying they cared when he felt like he was drowning. Now, Levi understood. And now Levi would grip the little things that gave him happiness so tight they may break. But he needed them, more than ever. 

Looking in the mirror was a mistake. He could tell that he had changed. His face was colder and looked as though he had added five years to his age. The bags beneath his eyes were bigger and deeper. He had never been one for sleeping but this was different. Now, instead of not sleeping, he stays awake worrying, planning, thinking, trying to make sense of the mess spilling out all around him. His hair was the same, a little long, he still needed to cut it, but at least that was normal. His frame was the same, he stood straight up and if he lost weight he wasn’t able to tell. But still, to himself, Levi looked completely different. He looked away before he could study himself more and pick all the things he needed to change, the things he needed to perfect. 

Waiting was hell, Levi was sure of it. When he died he figured he would spend all of eternity waiting in some stupid line or waiting for a meeting to end. This was unlike him, though. He was waiting to fix something. Levi rarely went back against his choices, but his mom taught him if he was genuinely wrong he needed to fix it. And of course, he was genuinely wrong yelling at a man he had never met about a life he had no clue about. So, he was waiting to shove the stupid fucking flowers into his stupid arms and mutter an apology because his mom says it’s the right thing to do and he doesn’t want Lily to end up like him. 

Levi looked at the clock before looking down at his hands. He was shaking. It wasn’t bad, but he was too nervous for his own body. Without giving himself time to think he stood up, grabbed the pot of flowers, the apple, and his keys before heading out of the house. He walked to his car and unlocked it, sliding into the driver's seat. Looking down at the pot, Levi wondered where to place it. He decided the floorboard and if it spilled he would just put it all back in and hope Eren didn’t garden.

The town had hardly changed in the time he was gone. Small towns barely go through changes but this one was the same. Same small movie theater, same antique shop, same flower shop, and same deli. The parks had been redone, with flower beds that had potential but were now overgrown and new pieces of equipment for kids to climb and break a bone on. There was a new supermarket that took the place of one of the old churches, but that was probably the most exciting thing to happen since the town started changing street names fifteen years ago. 

His mom's house was the same. In the time it took to move he was only able to see her once or twice, which was out of character for him. His mother was the only constant in his life, she never once left, not even when he got into fights or got suspended. Never once did she say she was disappointed in him, just that he could do better, that he was capable of being better than she ever was. Levi never understood that, his mother was the best one he had ever met. Forgiving and kind despite being fucked over by every single person she had ever met. 

The house was small and a light blue that Levi thought was ugly but his mother loved. Outside the bushes were cut and flowers were planted, slowly dying due to the new high temperatures. Lawn gnomes covered the flower beds, something else that Levi hated. His mother had a weird thing for gnomes. She said they were cute and made it her goal to find every single one she could and squeeze it into her flower beds. Levi said nothing would ever rip into them because the gnomes were so hideous. His mother ignored him for five minutes before explaining that not every thought needed to be said out loud. He was 30 when that happened. 

His mother stood at the doorway as he pulled into her driveway, like she knew he was coming. She came out onto the front porch, her dark hair draped across her shoulders, an apron wrapped around her tiny frame. Without saying a word she walked down off of the front porch and over to Levi’s car, practically yanking him out and pulling him into a hug. 

“Hey, mom.” Levi whispered. She was one of the few that could get away with this. Erwin, Hange, and Isabel were the others. He needed to figure out how to get his shit together because one more random hug from someone was going to make him snap. He twisted his arms around her and sighed. She stood smaller than him, only by a few inches. It made him feel good, it meant he could finally protect her now. Not that he didn’t knock people’s teeth out whenever they whispered about her. “Baking?” 

“Banana bread.” She smiled, pulling away and cupping his cheeks. “You look so tired.” 

“I am, but it’s okay. Since when do I sleep.” He curled his fingers around her wrists and lowered them. “Want to have some tea before I go get Lily?” His mother was the only one who really knew how to make it right. Charles tried and he always hated it, but he drank it anyway. Charity work. 

“Of course, I always have time for you.” She pulled away and walked towards the house, bending down and adjusting one of her gnomes. “Don’t say a word, Levi, I don’t want to hear about how weird they are. Nancy across the street says they’re cute.” 

Levi was silent.

“Okay, get it over with.” She turned around and crossed her arms. “What insult do you have today?” 

“It just looks like they get up at night and run around, terrorizing bunnies.” 

“You never learn.” She turned her back to him. 

And he smiled. Because it felt like it used to. Because it felt like, for a second, his world was pieced together because his mother was here and she loved him and she wouldn’t leave. 

“So, banana bread? You making it for that guy down the road? What’s his name… Jefferson?” 

“No!” Her cheeks were pink as she waved her hand through the air, acting as if she could slap the words away. “I’m making some for the entire block because I can’t eat all the things I make, if I get any bigger my body will collapse beneath me.” 

“You’re one hundred pounds wet, mom, you can eat an extra piece of banana bread and the world won’t end.” Levi closed the door behind him, smiling at all the tacky decorations. He knew he would end up like her, displaying each thing he loved across his house once Lily moved out. His wouldn’t be gnomes, though. God, it wouldn’t be gnomes. “Don’t give any to Hange, they’re pissing me off.” 

“They are the one who politely requested it.” She stepped into the kitchen, taking a deep breath. “It smells good so far, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah.” Levi nodded. She couldn’t see him. 

Lily’s artwork was displayed all across the door that led to her craft room. A small piece of paper on it read “Lily’s Door” in her chicken scratch handwriting. Stick figures and splashes of color covered the dark wooden door. A few pictures were missing, though. 

“Did you take down the drawings with Charles in them?” He didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. 

She peeked her head out. “Yes, but I didn’t throw them away. He just isn’t part of our family anymore. All of the pictures with him, drawn or not, are in a box in the attic.” 

“You handled that quickly.” Levi wished it was that easy. “I almost thought he snuck in when we left to take all of his stuff and leave too.” 

“Levi.” She sounded sad for him. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t. But he was an adult. And adults can handle heartbreak because that’s what they have to do. “Lily likes her new teacher a lot.” 

“Eren.” 

“Last name?” 

“Yeager.” 

“Oh! I met his mom! She owns that little flower shop! Used to be, gosh, I can’t remember his name, but she just took it over a few years ago. I stop in at least once a month for a new plant.”

Of course. Fucking small towns. “Does she like him?” 

“What kind of question is that?” Her head poked out again, a disapproving look on her face. “Of course she likes him, he’s her son.” 

“A lot of people can’t say they like their kid.” Most people thought his mother would hate him. Not only was he born out of a mistake, though she never said it, but he was also the reason her family hated her. Then he started fighting. Levi was always viewed as a problem in everyone’s eyes but hers. She never once said a bad thing about him. She was better than most people. 

“Eren comes in sometimes, helps out. He once hit on me, though I’m older than his mother.” She laughed. “It’s going to be black tea, is that alright?” 

“Still my favorite.” Levi mumbled. Hopefully, he could ignore his mom blushing because a man younger than her hit on her as she bought potting soil. “Well, I kind of, got off on the wrong foot, with Eren.” 

“He’ll be fine. Carla says he has anger issues but he’s been seeing someone for them. And it’s his job, it’s not like he can go all Hulk on you-“ 

“You’ve watched the Marvel movies?” 

“With Hange.” 

Right. They were best friends. “He just told me to talk to Charles and I got pissed off because no one tells me what to do, especially some man I just met who looks like an overgrown middle schooler-“ 

“Levi!” 

“That’s not even the worst thing I’ve said about him, mom.” Levi sighed, looking at the pictures of them. “Lily hasn’t been drawing. Should I get her some more colored pencils? Or a paint by number for kids?” He needed to change the subject before his mom lectured him on kindness. He already wasted it all on the wrong people. 

“Maybe she could see someone. Or you could take her to a movie. She’s going through changes, she might just want to escape.” His mother hummed to herself. “With you, whenever someone hurt us, I made sure to remind you that no matter what, I will always love you the most. She needs that reassurance. She lost her dad, you gotta remind her that it’ll be okay.” 

“Movies, got it.” Levi walked away from the door and into the kitchen, stopping when he saw twelve pieces of banana bread on the table cooling off. “You’re making more?” 

“There’s a lot of people on this street, Levi.” 

“Can I take some?” He asked, reaching his hand out to grab a piece. 

Without hesitating, his mother grabbed his wrist. “Wait until it’s all done. If you have to leave before then I’ll drop some off. I would love to see Lily anyway.”

“Okay.” He pulled a chair out and sat down, leaning back in it. “I think I’m going to repaint my kitchen. Not the yellow color you have, but gray. Moblit gave me some off the old paint they had and said I could use it. I think it’ll be good but I need to see how it looks with the lights on and off.” 

“If you need help just tell me, all I do is sit around here anyway.” 

“Didn’t know that an office job would pay so good.” Levi mumbled. Once he got a job at eighteen his mother got one in a local lawyers office. The man adored them, but Levi thinks it's because he felt bad for them. So, he gave his mom a receptionist job with a pay that they never could have imagined. Levi hated him, though. He feared his kindness had something beneath it. 

“Gosh, he was so kind. Checks up on me every once in a while, asking if I’m doing okay. He sends Christmas cards and everything.” She poured a cup of tea for him, setting it on the table. “Carla says I can come in and work at the shop any time I want, but I’m happy here. I can pay the bills with my retirement-“ 

“And if you ever need help, mom.” He took a cup, bracing for impact. His mom hated how he tried to give her money. Something about not using her son and bleeding him dry. He stopped listening each time the tangent began. 

“I’m not going to ask you for money. I can do it myself. But when you started working…” She took a deep breath. “Something in me just… realized we didn’t have to scrape by anymore. And then I met him and he gave me a chance.” Her eyes filled with tears. “No one has ever given me a chance, Levi.” 

“I know.” He whispered, sipping from his cup. “But I’m always here.” It was his turn to take care of her. “You’re not weak for letting me help.” 

“So,” Her own tea cup was small in her hands. She leaned against the counter, eyeing Levi. “You better accept my help the next time I offer it then.” 

Of course she was going to pull that card. “You did enough for me.” No matter what she always chose him. That’s better than most kids have ever gotten. He had everything he needed because she loved him and that helped her figure out a way to make it work. 

“I’m your mom, I can never do enough for you.” She sipped her tea, jumping slightly when the timer for the oven began to ding. She set the tea down, placing her pinky beneath is so it didn’t clatter on the counter. She grabbed a cloth and wrapped it around her hand, pulling the oven open and grabbing the tray, taking it out and setting it on the counter. “How long until you need to leave?” 

“Ten minutes.” Levi took a drink, sinking against his seat. “I don’t want to face him again, it’s embarrassing.” 

“We all have bad days, he handles kids and he has issues himself. I’m sure that he understands what’s going on. That’s probably why he tried to help. He knew how hard it was and he wanted to make sure Lily got the support she needed.” 

Anger pounded against Lev’s rib cage, begging to be set free. He felt hot all over, his blood burning in the veins tucked away beneath his skin. “She doesn’t need him. No one needs him. He was barely a father. He just got her presents and made jokes. That’s it-“ 

“You’re getting defensive, Levi.” His mother whispered. “Calm down, it’s okay to be angry, but this is a loss for both of you. You might not need him, but he used to be there. And now he isn’t.” 

Like he needed to be reminded. The loss was there. In every meal of two and in every day he had to find someone else to pick her up. In every bill that belongs to Levi and in an empty bed. In the box of stuff his mom had made of them and in the tears on Lily’s pillow.

“It fucking sucks.” Levi took another drink, silently wishing it was something stronger. “I can’t believe I put her through that shit, getting adopted just to be abandoned. It was his idea and he still couldn’t even stay.” 

“You two deserve better.” She walked towards him, pushing his head back and kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry he left you.” 

He always left, Levi was used to it. Charles called the shots because he liked control. And for some fucking reason Levi listened. Because it felt good to be wanted and it felt good to let go, just for a few seconds. “I’m not, he was a bitch.” 

“You can miss h-“ 

“Who the hell says I do?” Levi swallowed, clenching and unclenching his fists. God. Why did this have to be the topic of every fucking conversation? Why couldn’t it be his house? Or Lily’s new Barbie obsession? Or the color of his fucking kitchen? Why did it always have to come back to him? And how it hurts? “I think I’m going to head out a little early.” 

Levi stood up, pulling his mom into a quick hug and kissing her cheek. It wasn’t her fault that this hurt so bad and it wasn’t her fault that Levi refused to admit how bad it hurts. She doesn’t deserve it being taken out on her either. No one did. But Levi was angry and hurt and demolishing everything in his wake because he was tired of caring and having stupid little things like love hang over his head. Love meant ammunition. He wasn’t going to give that to someone again.

“Love you, mom.” He whispered, guilt slowly washing over him and replacing the anger that filled his body. Sorry, he wanted to say, sorry for lying and pretending it doesn’t hurt and getting angry when I’m forced to admit that it all hurts all the time. “I’ll see you later, when you come by. Maybe we can have dinner or watch a movie.” This was his apology. Because Levi couldn’t swallow his words twice in one day, he would choke. Instead he would show it, in hugs and kisses and quality time. Because his mom didn’t deserve it. 

“I’ll see you.” She mumbled, following him down the hallway towards the front door. “And we can spend the entire time pretending he never existed, okay?” 

His mom could read him like a book. Levi didn’t smile, but slowly the corners of his mouth curved. “That sounds perfect.” Playing pretend didn’t always hurt. And it wasn’t always for children. “Let me know when you’re done giving all your food to your starving neighbors-“ 

“It’s banana bread, Levi, and they aren’t starving, they’re just nice and deserve a treat.” 

“You’re better than I’ll ever be.” The kindness that remained still surprised Levi. Growing up, people never showed his mom kindness. They threw dirty words at her and refused to acknowledge she was human, all because of her job. But she still loved them and showed them kindness. Levi resented it, but as he grew he learned to respect it. The world didn’t corrupt her like it normally does. “I’ll see you later, love you.”

He pulled his car door open and slid inside, closing the door. He started the engine, anxiety rolling over his body in violent waves. The flowers and apple were beside him, somehow staring a hole straight through him. Soon this would be over, he reminded himself. Soon, he wouldn’t have to keep feeling this way. He will make amends then avoid Eren like the plague. It will be the way it should. His daughter would get what she needs and he would tolerate whatever he needed to in order for her to get it. 

Levi wondered if he would even be allowed back into the school or if they all made a pact to not let him in because he was rude. Logically, that was fucking insane, but that didn’t stop Levi’s stomach from twisting. He didn’t want to ruin something that made his daughter so happy, especially this quickly. Lily deserved her pieces of happiness and if Levi had to do whatever the fuck this was for her to get it, he would. 

Eren’s mother, Carla, most likely owned the flower shop that these sunflowers came from. Levi hoped that Eren wouldn’t notice, he didn’t want him getting any ideas. Ideas like Levi actually cared about him. Levi wasn't heartless but he also wasn’t going to create some useless relationship with his kids teacher. She could have one without him. 

The school was more crowded today than yesterday, which only made Levi feel like he was dying a little bit. He felt like he was doing a walk of shame as he gathered the apple and flowers in his arms and began to walk towards the double doors. School was never his thing, it made him feel small and incapable. Somehow, the stupid building had the same affect on him years after he graduated and escaped the hell. 

A woman holding a boy's hand held the door open for him and smiled. “Have a good day, sir!” 

The world was too cruel for people like this. “Thank you, you too.” He muttered as he ducked inside, trying to shrink into himself as much as possible. 

A happy gasp echoed around the hall. “Oh!” 

No. 

“Levi!” He knew that voice all too well. It belonged to the girl Levi always had to pull away because she kept picking fights she couldn’t finish.

God. 

Isabel wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. “You didn’t say goodbye when you left yesterday.” She pulled away, her long skirt ghosting over the floor. “Did something happen?” 

“I was an ass, so I left to stop myself from getting worse.” He knew he wasn’t pleasant to be around once he’s in a mood so he simply removes himself from the situation. “Nearly terrified him.” 

“He told me about how bad he felt, went on this long tangent about how it wasn’t his place and how you probably hate him. But that's Eren. He either thinks too much or not at all. As for you,” She smiled, wide and toothy. “You still haven’t learned, it’s almost endearing. Play nice and make some friends!” 

“I’m older than you, I don’t want to hear anything about how I need to play nice. I’m too old to play nice.” He swatted at her hands as she reached to pinch his cheek. “I’m just-“ 

“Flowers!” 

“Yeah, that’s what they are.” 

“For me?” She hovered over them, beaming. “They’re gorgeous! The cutest little pot, too! I already know where they’ll go in my ro-” 

“I know, but they aren’t for you. I’ll get you flowers once you start teaching Lily-“ He said too much.

“They're for Ere-“ 

“You’re making a scene.” Levi hissed between his teeth. “It’s an apology.” 

“He’ll love them, his mom owns that flower shop so he knows how to take care of them. He’s the one who set up a little gardening club for Armin and the kids. He didn’t want to lead it but he donated a bunch of flowers and tools because he thinks it’s a good stress reliever or whatever…” 

So, everyone loves him, huh? Guess that makes Levi the villain. “He’s not terrible, but someone definitely needs to teach him how to talk to people better.” 

“I’m glad we agree. He’s nice. And he’s so creative when it comes to teaching the kids different things. He just says what he means in a weird way. Words aren’t easy for him.” Isabel started to walk, looking behind her and sighing when Levi didn’t follow. “Come on.” 

“I remember where his classroom is.” Levi mumbled, cradling the pot and the apple in his lap. Thankfully, Isabel didn’t acknowledge the even more stupid gift he had. 

“But I want to talk to you, you keep getting busy before we can actually spend time together.” Isabel pulled her hair back into a messy bun, looking back at Levi again. “My kids did self portraits today and it was the cutest thing ever because none of them even look human-“ 

Levi reached out and pushed her to the side, making sure she avoided running into a pole. “Watch where you’re going before you break something-“ Break a bone, Levi thought. The brat never looked out for herself, just everyone else. 

“And of course, I had to do one too, because it was adorable and I wanted to be a part of it. But I made myself purple with like bright red hair and three eyes and the kids lost it!” 

“You’re fit to be a teacher-“ 

“You think?” Her face was soft, eyes wide with a small smile curving upward. Her lips were pressed together tightly like she was holding back a sound. 

“Yeah.” Levi smirked, knowing he was about to ruin the moment. “You’re a child.” 

She shrieked. “You’re the worst! You can’t even pretend to be nice.” 

They both knew she was joking. 

Still, Isabel glared at him, punching his arm. “At least I don’t act like a 90 year old who has outlived all of his friends and sits alone at the nursing home watching some stupid game show that doesn’t even make any sen-“ 

“I get it, I’m old and boring.” Levi chuckled. “I’m just saying you’re loud and childish.” 

Isabel pulled out her classroom keys and unlocked her door, pulling it open. “I have to clean it up, they managed to get paint everywhere, even the ceiling, but they loved it.” 

“I’m sure they did, dish soap will really help with the carpet. It’s safe.” Levi began to follow her into the classroom, only stopping when he heard his name being called. 

“Mr. Ackerman, shoot, no, Levi.” 

He rolled his eyes, stepping deeper into the room. Maybe Eren would go back to his room and wait for Levi to face him. 

“I mean,” Beside him Isabel babbled. “I did see them put it on the little ducks who got hurt by the oil spills. And I think it works.I’m more worried about the painted ceiling.” She was oblivious. 

This was it, Levi was sure his heart would give out. “Does no one stay in their classrooms here?”

“I was hoping that we could talk.” Eren towered over him, his body nearly as wide as the doorway. One hand was above Levi. It made him want to break his ankles. “Yesterday, it didn’t go the way I had, uh, hoped, so I thought maybe we could try a round two, okay, bad way to phrase it.” He took a deep breath, seeming to slow his thoughts down. “I thought we could try again, maybe not leave super angry this time.” 

“Uh…” Could nothing ever go the way he planned?

“That’s perfect.” Isabel hooked an arm around Levi and smiled. Levi needed friends that didn’t feel the need to jump in every time he was surprised. He was tired of them knowing what to do when he didn’t. Expressing emotions was never his speciality. “He can come see me after, go be an adult then we can mess around.” She shoved him out the door, slamming her classroom door shut. 

“Yeah.” Levi finally said. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to. Eren had pushed himself off of the doorway, his hands fidgeting in front of him. Levi watched him, trying to take all of him in and begin to read him, to understand him. He used his body to express himself. Right now he was nervous. Hands shaking as the fingers twisted around themselves before pulling away. He was hunching over as if to make himself smaller. “That sounds good.” 

“How was your day?” Eren hooked a finger in his tie and began to unknot it, sliding it from around his neck and fidgeting with it in his hands. He took a step from the wall, walking towards his classroom. 

“Good.” He hated small talk. This interaction couldn’t get worse. “I’m going to repaint my kitchen and I visited my mom before coming by today.” 

“That’s nice. What color are you painting your kitchen?” Eren looked down at him. His eyes were bright and happy, but Levi wanted to give them purple and blue bruises around them just because Eren was looking down at him. 

Eren asked about his kitchen, though. And that was nice. Because people seemed annoyed he was changing another thing, but Eren didn’t. He was curious. And even if it was out of pity for an old, single father, it felt nice to talk about it. Something that he had full control over. 

“Gray. I need a color that isn’t vomit green.” Levi rambled. “The color it is right now is so disgusting. So, gray will cover it up. It’s easy, it goes with most things, and I can decide any theme I want for it.” 

“I thought my mom was the only one who had themes in each room.” Eren chuckled, wrapping the tie around his hand. “Her kitchen's theme is raccoons. Like, they aren’t painted on the walls or anything, but they’re hanging up there. These paintings and statues. There’s even this raccoon clock where the tail swings-“ He took his tie and began to sway it back and forth. “In time with the seconds.” 

“I can do better.” Levi muttered. Maybe small talk wasn’t miserable. “My mom has an obsession with gnomes. They started outside the house but they’re slowly moving in.” This was the most light hearted conversation he had in a while. There was no underlying weight or stress. And Levi started to think maybe, if the world was different, they would’ve been friends. 

“Kuchel?” 

Oh my god. Nevermind. “You know my mom?” He didn’t want to hear this stupid guy say his mothers name, it only made the situation weirder. Fucking small towns. 

“She has the same last name as you.” Eren explained. Then he smiled. Did he ever stop smiling? No one was this happy. He had to be o. medication. “And she kind of looks like you. You’ve got her eyes.” 

This conversation didn’t seem right, like it should be happening. “Thank you.” 

“She comes in to see my mom a lot. She loves the flower shop. By the way, who are those flowers for?” Eren titled his head to the side like a puppy and eyed the flowers. “Isabel?” 

“Oh, uh-“ Levi took a deep breath. He had to say it? Why couldn’t he just shove the flowers into his arms and call it a day? Why did everything need to be spelled out? “For you. My friend said I needed to show you I was sorry-“ 

“You got me flowers?” Eren was beaming. And he looked sort of like Isabel. Bright eyes and hair going every which way. His cheeks were pink and the skin by his eyes were wrinkled. Maybe Levi could tolerate him. Maybe. “They’re nice, thank you. Like so much. I haven’t gotten many presents as a teacher but this takes the cake. This and that one time a kid thought giving me his grandpas teeth would be nice-“ 

He talked a lot. But it was nice. Because Eren talking meant Levi didn’t have to. 

Levi reached out, handing him the pot. He didn’t mind litening, he preferred it. “I also have an apple because… teachers like apples.” That was easily the stupidest thing he ever said. 

“I don’t know where that came from, the whole teachers love apples thing, but I’ll take the apple too. You would think doctors would get apples, not teachers.” Eren balanced the pot and apple in one arm as he stuffed the key into the keyhole and jiggled it, muttering to himself when the door wouldn’t budge. “The school is settling, so of course, my classroom had to be the first to get messed up.” 

“Mhm.”

“Lily is outside with Armin and his after school gardening club. She begged to go with Amaya and I let her, I hope that’s okay.”

Levi thought about one of the stupid kids almost killing her with a shovel or something. It would be his luck. “Yeah, I’m just glad she’s making friends. It was hard for her in New York.” No one ever took a liking to her in her class. She was sweet and tried her hardest to make friends but never fit in. Levi always apologized for rubbing off on her and making others keep their distance. He was only half joking. 

“Kids here love her. She’s bright and kind. And really outgoing.” Eren sat down on the edge of his desk, placing the apple on one side of him and the pot of flowers on the other. “I’m sorry about yesterday, I didn’t mean to assume-“ 

“It’s fine.” Levi muttered. He was just temperamental and angry that his life had turned out this way, that his family turned out this way. “Weird circumstances.” 

“I still apologize. It was a trainwreck, probably one of the worst parent meetings I’ve had.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “So, I’m sorry.” 

“The worst?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. “Glad I could do something to make you remember me.” He smirked, but kept his head ducked down so Eren couldn't see. “I get told I’m the worst often, so it’s not that surprising.” 

“I’m just sorry that I stepped out of line. I had no right to try and tell you how to parent your child. And we didn’t have a relationship where I could offer advice.” Eren looked like he felt bad. Most people didn’t apologize to Levi. They assumed he was an asshole and didn’t care. Unfortunately, he cared a lot. 

“I’m sorry I snapped.” Levi finally said. His heart was thumping in his ears. “It’s been a wreck. I get defensive and stuff still, at least that’s what my friends call it.”

Eren laughed. “I’m the same way, my therapist always tells me I need to stop assuming everyone’s out to get me, but it’s hard. Shits hard.”

Levi nodded. He could’ve gotten along with Eren if life was different. They could’ve been friends and discussed how much life sucked. “She misses him, I know she does, but he just isn’t in the picture.” Levi couldn’t picture a world where he ever would be again. “I don’t have the heart to tell her he’s gone for good, though. But after months of ignored texts and calls and moving out without a word I think I can assume he doesn’t want to be around us.” 

“I’m so sorry-“ 

“Save it.” Levi raised a hand. “Life sucks. That simple. I’m just trying to make sure her life doesn’t suck as bad.” 

Eren looked at him with some stupid soft look. It was the type people wear in movies when they look at someone they love. “You’re doing great, she tells us about how cool you are. She says you’re rich.” 

“Not really.” Levi chuckled. “We live comfortably, probably better than someone with your paycheck.” God, why was he an ashole? They were doing good. He was telling Eren more about his daughter and he had to fuck it up. 

Laughter bubbles out of Eren’s chest. “Good one.” He tossed his head back, shaggy hair flung about. 

Levi smiled to himself. It was small. Maybe this wasn’t so terrible after all.


End file.
